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155 Episodes In: What Still Matters Most

155 Episodes In: What Still Matters Most

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The shoes, backpacks, grades, and meltdowns are not the whole story. They never were. This one gave me a reason to pause and reflect. I originally thought I would do something special for episode 150, and then life happened. So here we are at episode 155, and honestly, the double fives feel like a good enough reason to pause and look back. There is no guest today. It's just me reflecting on what I hope has been underneath this podcast all along. One of the biggest threads is this: children are whole humans. They are not projects. They are not here to perform perfectly so we can feel like good parents. They are their own people, growing and developing in the way they are meant to grow and develop. That is true for children who will eventually move into adulthood with more independence, and it is also true for children who may need support throughout their lives. If that is part of your family's story, I mention my conversation with Maedi Tanham Carney from Episode 106 about future planning and support for children who may need lifelong care: https://youtu.be/UjN7mLZKjuc I also talk about how easy it is to lose the long view of parenting when we are deep in the everyday stuff: shoes, backpacks, homework, grades, getting to school on time, getting through the day. Those things can feel huge in the moment, and I get that. But they are not the whole point. The point is raising a human. That long view also shows up in my conversation with Martha Adler from Episode 3 about death, grief, and helping children navigate loss: https://youtu.be/ycjCg9KB_zE Another thread I come back to again and again is the difference between influence and control. We have influence over our children. We can guide, support, teach, model, and repair. But we do not control who they become or exactly how their lives unfold. I know. Rude. But also true. If that idea feels like something you need more of, I mention my conversation with Ben Pugh from Episode 33 on influence versus control: https://youtu.be/LM0KJS-NKNs I also talk about the thoughts we have about our children and how much those thoughts shape our experience of parenting. When we believe our kids "should" be different, easier, faster, more motivated, more regulated, or more like the child we imagined, we usually end up suffering right alongside them. That is where the idea that circumstances are neutral comes in. I reference my conversation with Penny Williams from Episode 85 on that exact topic: https://youtu.be/y2ecqVV08lg And of course, we get to behavior. Because we always get to behavior. Behavior is a signal. It is not the root. When something looks disorderly on the outside, something often feels disorderly on the inside too. That does not mean anything goes. It means we need to stay curious about what the behavior is communicating before we decide we understand the whole story. For more on that, I mention my conversation with Debra Brause from Episode 129: https://youtu.be/--rKzaCQZ5M Mostly, this episode is a thank you and a reminder. Thank you for listening, for sharing episodes, for telling me what lands, and for being part of this community. And here is the reminder: The child in front of you is not a problem to solve. The hard day you are having today will not happen again exactly this way. And the work is not getting every backpack hung up correctly. The work is raising a human. Key Takeaways Children are whole humans, not projects.Parenting is bigger than the daily checklist.The long view matters.Influence is not the same as control.Thoughts shape the parenting experience.Behavior is communication.Curiosity creates compassion.Hard days are temporary.Parents need support too.The child in front of us matters more than the child we imagined. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources & Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show — and it means a lot. If there's a topic ...
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