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Don’t Ask Me About My Dad

A Memoir of Love, Hate and Hope

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Don’t Ask Me About My Dad

By: Tom Mitchelson
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Summary

Growing up with him was like being in my own war zone, living in perpetual fear of when the bombs would fall.

I was terrified of becoming him, and in moments I could feel I might. He still lives within me grimly like some battered demon spright. And I’m fearful of his shadow. The rage, and his blood. There are some moments when he arrives and I want to tear up the whole world with my bare hands, and all I really want is love. I want him away now. Please. Just go.

In this extraordinary memoir, Tom Mitchelson offers a deeply moving story of hope and love triumphing over adversity. It is gripping account of what it’s like for a child to grow up in an explosively violent home and explores the enormously complicated relationship Tom had with his dad, well into adulthood.

Tom grew up with identical triplet sisters and they would watch as their dad would abuse their mum, shouting obscenities in her face, brutally drag her around the house and inflict other unspeakable cruelties. It went on for years and the family never told a soul.

Tom knew his dad was a monster, yet he loved him. He was both friend and foe. Someone to fear and at the same time someone Tom felt he had to defend. When Tom became the protegee of his comprehensive school teacher, that story too turned dark.

Tom followed a career in comedy and undercover journalism and it was only after his father’s death, and becoming a father himself, that he could begin to face up to his past, leading him on a powerful journey of self-discovery.

Don’t Ask Me About My Dad is an inspirational story of our time: a rare account by someone from a deprived background speaking about the complexities of a defining relationship and finding the restorative power of fatherhood, resilience and, ultimately, how the truth can set you free.

Abuse Adventurers, Explorers & Survival Domestic Partner Abuse Dysfunctional Families Dysfunctional Relationships Grief & Loss Parenting & Families Personal Development Relationships Memoir
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Critic reviews

“Brilliant and harrowing” Davina McCall

"Breathtaking writing. Beautiful and life changing.” Robert Rinder, Talk TV

"Highly recommended" Robin Ince, broadcaster and writer

"Emotional and brilliant" Hugo Rifkind, Times Radio

"A truly remarkable book" Alastair Campbell, Former Downing Street Communications Director and mental health campaigner

"It's the unvarnished truth on every page and is enormously powerful. In a way, it makes it own genre, and it's a genre that's accessible without being dumbed down. At their best, authors like Hemingway and Hornby do this." Matthew Parris, The Spectator

"Powerful and honest" Rob Crossan, Sunday Express

"A beautiful book and in the end one of the most hopeful. I tore through it" Chris Van Tulleken, TV doctor

All stars
Most relevant
but feel guilty as the author had to experience all he did! A harrowing childhood with an awful father. Left very vulnerable, an easy picking for a predatory teacher. Oh Tom, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it proves helpful to others in a similar situation.

I loved this book..

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This is a compelling read/listen & gives insight into the complicated trauma bond between a perpetrator & their victims of domestic abuse, the life long battle to make sense of what you’ve experienced & witnessed. In contrast it also gives the reader a victims perspective of grooming, the internal wrestle of enjoying the closeness & interest from a trusted adult &with the confusion when their intentions are to exploit & harm you. And how trauma in childhood can seep into adulthood, if we don’t feel validated. Hearing this is the authors own words makes it incredibly powerful.

Compelling, painful & hopeful

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Having read the unputdownable Don’t Ask Me About My Dad, I heard a snippet of the audiobook, got pulled in again and was lucky enough to listen while walking around London, my home for the past eight years. The defiance, humour and bloody-mindedness that came through so clearly on the page hit me even harder thanks to Mitchelson’s impeccable delivery.

The narrative never loses sight of either gravity or levity, and to me, that balance is huge part of what makes this story so powerful. Mitchelson could easily have gone under, but was transformed instead, and this shines through every sentence. A message I take away is that we don’t have to stay in pain or tolerate manipulative, sadistic bullies, however omnipresent they seem. This memoir shows that our spirit can guide us—if we find the courage to follow it.

I eerily passed St Pancras just as he was there in the book, and I was even more moved. Can’t recommend it enough.

Love, Hope, Hate: On the Duty of Refusing to Yield

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Difficult to hear parts of what Tom, his mam & sister’s experienced. Well written @ narrated. I felt for the child & adult version of the author. Powerfully moving & necessary story. Brave to share his conflicted relationship with his troubled father. The hopeful piece was love triumphing adversity. This book will stay with me ..

Heartbreaking & hopeful story

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Harrowing story, but so worth listening to. Very well written and read. overall very good book

Excellent book

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