To My New Boss,

You are an asshole. Maybe I will even call you a boss hole. We’ve never even officially met because you sent your executive assistant to give me a list of “to-dos” because you’re worried all of your lower assistants will “fall for you and make a pass”. You could only wish I would make a pass. You would be so lucky as to even catch a glimpse of my fine ass. In fact, why don’t kiss it instead, jerk.

Also, no I’m not taking a vocabulary or algebra test. Just because you’re the CEO doesn’t give you the right to be pompous and arrogant. And frankly I saw that photo of you in the newspaper last year; are you cousins with the yeti? Not a good look.

You can keep your $25 an hour. My self-respect is worth more than that. And no I’m not interested in any of your other offers.

Marcia “I have self-respect” Lucas

P.S. Never in a Million Years

I never intended to actually send the email. I’m not crazy. It was just a way to vent. I actually did need the money way too much to go off on my boss. Only when I went into office the next day, there was a note on my desk. It read, “A million years is up. See me in my office.”

My dad was right, my mouth would eventually get me into trouble. Only he had no idea just had bad the trouble was going to be.