Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
Failed to add items
Sorry, we are unable to add the item because your shopping cart is already at capacity.
Add to basket failed.
Please try again later
Add to wishlist failed.
Please try again later
Remove from wishlist failed.
Please try again later
Adding to library failed
Please try again
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
3 Months Free + £10 Audible voucher
£5.99/mo after 3 months. Cancel monthly.
Offer ends on 5 July 2026 at 11:59 BST.
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
Narrated by:
Senn Annis
Buy Now for £13.44
-
Narrated by:
-
Senn Annis
People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.
Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker’s how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.©2013 Rowman & Littlefield (P)2022 Bloomsbury Publishing PLC
adbl_web_anon_alc_button_suppression_t1
Critic reviews
I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad´s book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders.
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book!
While the title of this book may confuse some, its contents demonstrate a solid understanding of dysfunctional relationships between borderline (BP) or narcissistic (NP) patients and their loved ones. Psychotherapist Fjelstad uses the word “caretaker” to identify partners and family members who enable typical BP/NP behavior at the expense of achieving their own goals and preserving their own sanity. The author begins with an excess of questions to assist caretakers in identifying destructive behaviors. As the text progresses, the writing becomes more fluid and accessible. Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. The book includes case studies, though they focus on the negative and make little mention of the addictive, intoxicating lure of these relationships. VERDICT Despite the cryptic title and occasionally awkward writing, Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections.
If your borderline or narcissistic family member won’t or can’t get help, this book will help you get over your fear, obligation and guilt and get on with your own wonderful life. (Randi Kreger, borderline and narcissistic personality disorders expert and advocate for families, the author/coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)
Probably a very good book
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
this book was my lifesaver
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
A must read for carers
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Great book, unlistenable
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Brilliant book very poorly read
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.