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The Art of Disagreeing Well

How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard

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The Art of Disagreeing Well

By: Bo Seo
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About this listen

 ‘Electrifying … A user manual for our polarized world’ Adam Grant, #1 New York Times-bestselling author of Think Again ‘Important, compelling and wise’ Johann Hari, Sunday Times-bestselling author of Stolen Focus

How do you win an argument? How do you disagree without hard feelings? How do you debate in a way that moves the topic forward to an answer?

Arguments matter, because we have them every day. We do it with loved ones and at work, over which restaurant to go to and which social viewpoint is right or fair. We trust the people we elect to argue on our behalf. We trust the news to dissect the arguments different parties are proposing. We have a system of justice which trusts the better argument will win out.

Once, argument was taught and celebrated as a fundamental part of being a good citizen. But it isn’t anymore, and often we struggle to argue without furthering divisions, without hurt feelings or a useful progression of ideas at stake.

As a two-time world debate champion, Bo Seo has made a career out of arguing well. In this book, he provides the reader with an unforgettable toolkit to improve their own disagreements, so that the outcome of having an argument is better than not having it at all.

A thrilling adventure into the past and present of competitive debate, Good Arguments proves that good-faith disagreements can enrich our friendships, workplaces, and democracies — and in the process, our world.

Previously published as The Art of Disagreeing Well

Communication & Social Skills Linguistics Logic & Language Personal Development Philosophy Social Sciences

Critic reviews

‘At a time of polarisation and rage, we all need to learn how to disagree well—and this important, compelling and wise book should be at the heart of how we do so’
Johann Hari, Sunday Times-bestselling author of Stolen Focus and Lost Connections

‘This is not just the electrifying tale of how Bo Seo won two world debate championships. It’s also a user manual for our polarized world. I can’t think of a more vital resource for learning to sharpen your critical thinking, accelerate your rethinking, and hone your ability to open other people’s minds. The Art of Disagreeing Well is the rare book that has the potential to make you smarter—and everyone around you wiser’
Adam Grant, #1 New York Times-bestselling author of Think Again and host of the podcast WorkLife

‘A thoughtful, instructive and eloquent meditation on the art of debate and why its central pillars—fact-finding, reason, persuasion and listening to opponents—are so valuable in today’s alarming ecosystem of misinformation and extreme emotion’
Michiko Kakutani, New York Times-bestselling author of Ex Libris and The Death of Truth

‘Seo’s lucid and humane search for ‘better ways to disagree’ could not be more timely or valuable’
Kevin Rudd, former Prime Minister of Australia and author of The Case for Courage

‘Bo Seo pulls off the hat trick of persuasion, combining crisp logic, a compelling story, and a likeable, trustworthy narrator … his book … makes a compelling argument of its own: that civil disagreement can save our troubled civilization’
Jay Heinrichs, New York Times-bestselling author of Thank You for Arguing and How to Argue With a Cat

All stars
Most relevant
A fabulously detailed retelling of the author’s journey from schoolchild to debating champion, this insightful and thought-provoking call-to-arms is a must-read (or listen) for those with open minds but hitherto closed mouths. Congratulations Bo Seo, you are an emerging luminary of our generation and I await your future ideas (form as much as content) with great anticipation.

Gracefully written, persuasively delivered.

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A biography book, rather than a technical one, as title promised. I have to admit, this surprised me and not in a pleasant way.

Not what I was expected.

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I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Seo has a great voice, has a great vocabulary and command of language (making him even more pleasant to listen to), and tells his own story extremely well and entertainingly.

Not only do we get his own story, but his research into other debaters of recent history or even his connections to other interesting people of our time to deepen his points are beautiful interlaced within the main narrative.

However, I felt the book lacks practically. Yes, he goes over how to debate and fundamental principles and his own learnings, however, I feel that his theory lacks examples to make my understanding of the theory more concrete. I would of liked a lot more sections in the book that say: "One key element of good rebuttal is X, for example, imagine your friend is telling you Y, as a good rebuttal you could say Z o A."

I believe he does do this once in the book, however, what I found hard is that his definition of good argument/rebuttal, etc, changes throughout the chapter and so he says something at the beginning of the chapter and then contradicts it's later on. So here I would have appreciated chapter summaries or a "key-takeaways" section.

In sum, a great book, really enjoyed it, however, honestly I don't feel now that much more confident at the moment of arguing/disagreeing with someone than when I started the book, which was my ultimate aim :( Might have to read it again to find the gems of wisdom.

oh and he says "however" like 1000 times xD maybe you picked up the joke in this review.

Really good, however...

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this is a fantastic and moving recollection of a great debater. I highly recommend it

A distilled version of debate and how to think

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It’s gives a good understanding of the mechanics of debate, and tells the story of Bo Soe’s journey. Opened my eyes to the rhythm of dialogue, discussion and debate. There is a nice chapter on how to handle bullies, which was very interesting. The author does use the word “however” a million and one times, something the editor should have picked up on… however … they didn’t. But I recommend this book.

Good, surprisingly personal.

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