The Leopard in my House cover art

The Leopard in my House

One man’s adventures in cancerland

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The Leopard in my House

By: Mark Steel
Narrated by: Mark Steel
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Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

‘I feel like there’s a leopard in my house, locked in a room. I’ve contacted the leopard authorities and they assure me they are used to dealing with leopards like this, and they have a plan for removing the leopard. It will take a while, though, and once in a while I can hear it growl.

And that’s all very reassuring. Even so, several times a day I think to myself: “Hang on, there’s a leopard in my house.”’
One morning, while shaving, the comedian Mark Steel noticed that one side of his neck seemed larger than the other. After a whistlestop tour of assorted medical professionals, a consultant delivered the ominous words that would define the next months of his life: ‘I’m afraid it’s not good news, Mr Steel’.
And so began a journey into the heart of the NHS, as he embarked on the long and uncertain road to cancer recovery via a range of mildly torturous and entirely miraculous treatments. What, if anything, might he learn about himself – and our capacity for coping with life when times get tough – as he becomes part of a club that one in two British people will ultimately join?
A frank and funny diary of one man’s rather trying year, this is an unforgettable and uplifting story of getting ill, getting on with it, and getting better.

© Mark Steel 2025 (P) Penguin Audio 2025

Cancer Medical Physical Illness & Disease Professionals & Academics Funny Inspiring Witty Heartfelt Thought-Provoking Feel-Good
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Critic reviews

Just like you might bet he would, Mark Steel has given us a deep, personal, clever, witty, painful and hilarious book. His eye lingers on details of the past, present and a possible future, taking us all the way to an answer for 'what's the bloody point anyway?' He shows (not tells) that the answer might be to live and feel life the way he does. Thanks Mark Steel. (Michael Rosen, author of 'Getting Better')
Funny, moving, wise and then very funny again. It’s also a very spiritual and philosophical book for a foul-mouthed atheist from Swanley. Final score; Cancer: 1, Mark Steel: 5. (John O'Farrell, author of 'Family Politics')
There are enough cancer memoirs to fill a small bookshop, with bookcases for all the affected body parts. It can feel churlish to apply critical faculties to this of all subjects, but if there is a high bar for the genre, then it’s one Mark Steel clears like Dick Fosbury on a good day… The ride we accompany him on is inspiring and invariably very funny. (Simon Usborne)
The challenges of navigating the healthcare system are legion, but as this clear-eyed, humane and engaging book makes repeatedly and abundantly clear, without the NHS’s central tenet – if you are ill, you will be helped – we are completely sunk. (Alex Clark)
All stars
Most relevant
I have been diagnosed with almost the same cancer as Mark, and I am shortly to begin my chemotherapy and radiotherapy courses. To know what is ahead and to have some tools that could help me get through it was valuable. The writing is crisp, honest and humorous. He is open and vulnerable. I wish Mark all the best. May the Leopard never return.

Valuable Insight - Told Well

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I’m not great at articulately my reasons for loving something but I can’t just say nothing. Bonus to hear Mark reading when he may not have been able to, had his voice gone. If you love Mark’s work and podcast (and his and Shappi’s romance) and followed his cancer updates, the book will not disappoint. I had a cry and laughed out loud in places and overall love this man even more. Thank you Mark!

Mark’s humour

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Didn’t think I could love this man more. Now I do. Comradely and fraternally of course. Excellent.

Absolutely brilliant.

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I was especially impressed by the author's ability to find humour in this most harrowing experience.

Humour in a crisis.

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An honest, amazingly humorous and entertaining account of what was obviously a very difficult time….thanks for sharing Mark

So pleased you survived to tell the tale!!

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