Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches cover art

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches

The Real Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Beyond

 Preview
LIMITED TIME OFFER

3 Months Free

£5.99/mo after 3 months. Cancel monthly.
Get this deal
Offer ends on 15 July 2026 at 11:59 BST.
More purchase options

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches

By: Victoria Emes
Get this deal

£5.99/mo after 3 months. Cancel monthly.

Buy Now for £14.64

Buy Now for £14.64

The real guide to pregnancy, birth and beyond.

I’m assuming you’ve picked up this book because you’re either curious about having kids, you’re currently up the duff, or you’re stumbling through the early days of parenthood with a mattress-sized sanitary towel between your legs wondering what the hell has just happened. That, or you’re killing time in WHSmith, waiting for your flight to Ibiza. You lucky bastard.

Either way, this book is your pregnancy, birth and postpartum BFF.

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches is your one-stop, no-filter guide to everything from swollen vulvas and dinner-plate areolas; from shitting in labour to the horror of postpartum haemorrhoids; from mindless sleep deprivation to salvaging a sex life when your pelvic floor has hit the floor. But mainly, it’s a reassuring reminder that feeling slightly (or shockingly) out of control with a newborn baby human is entirely normal…we promise.

 Motherhood Parenting & Families Relationships Sexual & Reproductive Health Women Sexual Health Pregnancy Comedy
adbl_web_anon_alc_button_suppression_t1

Critic reviews

‘Nobody – and I mean nobody – has a way with words quite like Victoria. Candid, reassuring and laugh-out-loud hilarious, this book feels like a friend giving a series of pep talks during the hurricane season of pregnancy and new motherhood.’
Sarah Turner, The Unmumsy Mum
‘Striding confidently into all the topics the antenatal and baby groups tiptoe around. This gritty, honest, useful and at times, hilarious guide needs to be handed out with pregnancy notes. Victoria is the foul-mouthed, taboo-embracing, funny-anecdote-sharing, wildly-knowledgeable mate I needed through pregnancy and beyond. Laugh, gasp, learn lots and feel shoulder-dropping relief that you’re not alone.
Your parenting bookshelf may be rammed, but nudge them down. Make space for this one, trust me.’
Anna Mathur, psychotherapist and bestselling author
All stars
Most relevant
Loved every second. The way the author/reader is unashamedly frank with her audience about exactly what to expect pre & post birth made this an amazing listen. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant myself & found it very relatable.

A frank & unashamed view on birth & motherhood

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
It had some very interesting ideas and information laid out in an easily accessible way. Adding her own experiences was nice, as was the way she spoke about loneliness. Overall I enjoyed it, but sometimes she has a tendency to catastrophise. If I hadn’t have previously had a baby (big age gap, hence why I am reading up on it again) I would be pretty terrified by things such as breastfeeding and getting hemorrhoids. Neither of which were issues for me last time, in fact breastfeeding was a beautiful time. She made it sound as if I was a rarity, but I know plenty of mums who breastfed fine and loved it. There were some things she presented as a fact which are more her experience. So take this with a grain of salt.

Entertaining, a bit OTT

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Thoroughly enjoyed this book and learned a lot along the way. well worth a listen thank you!

Informative & hilarious

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This concisely sums up the turmoil of parenting, and the hilarity.

More evidence based and factual than I expected but also more charming and comforting than I expected too.

Only note regarding edit is the wording in one aspect - all parts of health care are *offered* therefore can be accepted or declined.

strongly recommend for new and prospective parents

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Absolutely excellent, provides no nonsense informed information while being honest and real and utterly relatable and approachable.

Also, it’s hilarious - listened to this on a round trip from Dublin to Kerry and had to pull in from laughing while Victoria was describing her very traumatic trip to the piles doctor!

Hilariously honest

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
See more reviews