What happens when parents wait until the kids are grown to divorce — and then discover their adult children are not fine with it? In this rich and eye-opening conversation, Karen sits down with Dr. Carol Hughes, clinical psychologist, two-time Fulbright Scholar, and one of the true pioneers of the collaborative divorce movement, to challenge one of the most pervasive myths in divorce: that adult children don't need the same care and intentionality that minor children do.

Dr. Hughes shares the origin story of collaborative divorce — rooted in a single letter written on January 1, 1990 by Minnesota attorney Stu Webb, who declared he was "done going to court and destroying families" — and how that moment sparked a movement that has since trained over 25,000 collaborative professionals worldwide.

Together, Karen and Dr. Hughes explore:

• Loyalty binds — what they are, how they form, and why they damage children of all ages
• The five F's — fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and feign — and how our neurological wiring pulls us toward conflict when we feel unsafe
• Gray divorce — why divorce among adults 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2012, and what research from Bowling Green State University predicts by 2030
• The biggest myth about adult children — why "they're adults, they can handle it" is not only wrong, but harmful
• Family before finances — why starting with the children, not the money, leads to better outcomes for everyone
• The "six-year-old within" — how adult children still carry the emotional vulnerability of their younger selves, even when they appear to be coping
• Creating a divorce story — how parents can paint a picture of the future that reduces fear and uncertainty for their children
• The statement of highest intentions — a collaborative divorce tool for helping couples get clear on what they actually want the process to look like
• Practical guidance for gray divorcing parents: how to involve adult children collaboratively in planning holidays, family gatherings, and transitions — without burdening them or writing them out of the story

Dr. Hughes also opens up about her own childhood experience of her parents' divorce — including a detail that will shock modern listeners — and how an unexpected phone call from a minor's counsel changed the entire direction of her career.

Resources & Links Mentioned:

• 📖 Dr. Carol Hughes' book: Home Will Never Be the Same Again: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce— available at Barnes & Noble and all major booksellers
• 🌐 Dr. Hughes' divorce website: divorcepeacemaking.com
• ✍️ Dr. Hughes and Psychology Today: Visit Psychology Today's guest blog
• 📖 Karen's book: The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family
• 🎓 The Good Divorce Academy: Karen's online community and classroom for ongoing support and education
• 🌐 Work with Karen directly: thegooddivorcecoach.com
• 🤝 Collaborative Divorce Solutions of Orange County
• 🌍 International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) — trains collaborative divorce professionals worldwide
• 📖 Workbooks referenced: Our Family in Two Homes and A Family in a Few Homes — created by a Canadian collaborative divorce attorney for use with minor and adult children respectively

"Divorce is not a weapon — it's a tool. And when used well, it can be a tool for transformation." — Karen McNaney