"Do as I say and you can stay. Piss me off and you are out."

That was the message our listener received throughout her childhood.

In this powerful letter, she reflects on growing up with a mother who repeatedly used the threat of abandonment to maintain control — leaving her with severe anxiety, a deep fear of rejection, and the sense that love could be withdrawn at any moment.

Now a parent herself, she finds herself facing a different challenge. As she sets boundaries to protect her children, her mother accuses her of being angry, difficult to love, and responsible for breaking up the family. At the same time, she appears increasingly focused on building relationships with her grandchildren while refusing to address the hurt in her relationship with her daughter.

In this episode, we explore abandonment as a form of narcissistic abuse, the impact of growing up with conditional love, and why protecting your children can sometimes bring old family dynamics into sharp focus. We also discuss the grief of accepting that some parents are more invested in access than accountability — and what healing can look like when repair isn't possible.

Contact Dr. Ruth Callaghan: www.callaghancounselling.ie

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