Send us Fan Mail

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast: bit.ly/SupportGTPodcast. Thank you!

For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website, join the podcast’s Instagram page, and subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

What does it look like to live well with grief, not despite it, but through it? Lizzie Pickering has spent over 25 years finding out.

Since the death of her eldest son, Harry, Lizzie has become one of the UK's most experienced and sought-after voices on grief in life and in the workplace. She draws on more than two decades of direct experience: as a carer to Harry, as a long-term team member at Helen & Douglas House (the Oxford children's hospice where Harry died), and through her sustained work with bereaved parents, siblings, and professionals navigating loss.

If you're like me, you will love listening to Lizzie's voice, giving us an insight into her journey over the past 25 years.

​​Lizzie is a Grief Educator, Author and Film Producer
She offers Grief Guidance to organisations and individuals, educating people about grief and helping them get back to life and work following major losses. Her clients are both UK-based and global. Since the death of her eldest son, Harry, 25 years ago, Lizzie has become passionate about changing the landscape for people who have to face life and work when they are living with grief. Her firm belief is that if grief is faced and worked through gradually, if people are well supported, there is a rich seam of energy to be found from not only surviving it but living well. Lizzie’s book, When Grief Equals Love, Long-term Perspectives on Living with Loss, was published in May 2023 and is available from bookshops, Amazon and Audible.

• lizziepickering.com
• www.instagram.com/lizzie.pickering/

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send us Fan Mail

Grief myths are everywhere. They show up in condolence cards, in workplace bereavement policies, in the advice given by well-meaning friends and family — and, often, inside the grieving person themselves. They feel like common sense. They are not.

In this episode — the first in a three-part series on the beliefs that distort the experience of grief — Nathalie unpacks eight of the most common grief myths: where they come from, why they persist, how they cause harm, and what a more accurate picture of grief actually looks like.

What's covered in this episode

• What a grief myth is — and how it differs from a preconception (covered in Part 2) and a presumption (covered in Part 3)
• Why myths persist even when they cause harm — the cultural logic behind each one
• The 8 most common grief myths, each examined through the same structure: where it comes from, how it harms, a relatable example, and a reframe

The 8 Grief Myths

• Myth 1: Grief has five stages, and you need to go through all of them
• Myth 2: Grief is primarily an emotion; it is what you feel
• Myth 3: Grief gets steadily better over time; it is a linear recovery
• Myth 4: If you are not showing visible distress, you are coping well
• Myth 5: Children are resilient, they don't really grieve, or they get over it quickly
• Myth 6: Moving on means letting go of the person you lost
• Myth 7: Grief is something you get over
• Myth 8: Seeking help for grief is a sign that you cannot cope

Referenced in this episode

The myths examined in this episode are part of a broader pattern in which popular culture transmits beliefs about grief, often without anyone intending harm. Nathalie first traced this in her two-part article series using Downton Abbey as a lens for the messages TV and film consistently send about how grief should look:

Downton Abbey Grief Theory — Part 1

Downton Abbey Grief Theory — Part 2

(Note: both articles are hosted on grievingparents.net, Nathalie's Grieving Parents Support Network site.)

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send us Fan Mail

HOW TO DEAL WITH GRIEF AND TRAUMA is completely self-funded, produced, and edited by me, Nathalie Himmelrich.
Consider making a small donation to support the Podcast: bit.ly/SupportGTPodcast. Thank you!

For more information, please visit Nathalie’s website, join the podcast’s Instagram page, and subscribe to the newsletter to receive updates on future episodes here.

Season 18 begins here.

Nathalie opens the new season by sharing a personal experience — a conversation with a medium that left her with unexpected clarity — and announces that the medium will join her for a recorded episode later this season.

This season brings a mix of solo and guest episodes exploring the preconceptions we carry into grief, the relationship between personal belief and how we process loss and trauma, and stories from guests across Australia, Europe, the UK, and the USA - people who have grieved, people who support others through it, and often both.

Leave a Review

If this podcast has supported you, a 5-star review takes less than a minute and helps others who are grieving find this community when they need it most.

Send Nathalie a message — tap the 'Send Us a Text' link at the top of the shownotes to share your feedback, your experience, or a question you'd like explored.

With that in mind, have a gentle day.

Let your nervous system guide you.

With Love, Nathalie

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send a text

Trauma isn’t only a story in the mind—it’s also physiology, sensation, and nervous system patterning. In this final episode of the Many Faces of Trauma series, we explore how trauma can show up in the body through hyperarousal (fight/flight), hypoarousal (shutdown), stress-related symptoms over time, dissociation, and chronic tension patterns. Using a simple polyvagal-informed lens, we explain how nervous system state can shape sensations and symptoms—and why “I know I’m safe” can coexist with a body that still reacts. We share realistic body-based supports, focusing on small, repeated regulation, completing stress energy, co-regulation, and tracking 5% shifts. The episode ends with a short grounding practice and a supportive closing message to integrate the whole mini-series.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• Why trauma affects the body, not just thoughts
• Common body patterns: hyperarousal, shutdown, stress symptoms, dissociation, tension holding
• A polyvagal-informed view: state drives sensation
• What helps without overwhelm: repetition, body-language listening, movement, co-regulation, 5% shifts
• A grounding practice that combines breath, stretch, and orientation
• A closing integration for the whole series

Grounding practice (2–3 minutes): “Breath + Stretch + Name”

• Longer exhale than inhale (4 rounds)
• Gentle stretch + shoulder roll
• Name 3 body facts (feet/hands/breath)
• Phrase: “My body has reasons. I can listen without panic.”

Check the website for the free resources offered for both those affected by trauma and those supporting them.

I will be back with more guest interviews starting again with Season 18. Stay tuned!

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send a text

Dissociation is often misunderstood, but for many people it’s a protective nervous-system strategy—a way the mind and body reduce overwhelm when something feels too much to stay present for. In this intro-level episode, we explore dissociation as a spectrum: from spacing out and going blank to numbness, unreality, time loss, and feeling detached from the body or emotions. Using simple polyvagal-informed language, we connect dissociation to shutdown protection, discuss common triggers (conflict, overwhelm, feeling trapped, sensory load), and outline what helps—especially gentle, body-first ways to return without shame. We close with a grounding practice using texture and temperature cues to support a soft “coming back.”

In this episode, you’ll learn

• A clear definition of dissociation and how it differs from ordinary distraction
• Why dissociation is a protection strategy (not a character flaw)
• A polyvagal lens on dissociation as shutdown/freeze protection
• Common triggers: conflict, overwhelm, feeling trapped, sensory load, exhaustion
• How dissociation can impact memory, relationships, and self-trust over time
• What helps: gentle return, reduced stimulation, body-first orientation, naming without shame, building safety
• A grounding practice designed specifically for dissociation

Grounding practice (2–3 minutes): “Texture + Temperature Return”

• Touch a textured object (fabric, chair, sleeve)
• Name 3 qualities (smooth/rough/cool/warm)
• Notice one temperature cue
• Press feet into the floor (twice)
• Phrase: “I’m here now. I’m coming back gently.”

Check the website for the free resources offered for both those affected by trauma and those supporting them.

What’s next: How Trauma Can Affect the Body

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send a text

Complex trauma forms through repeated or prolonged exposure to threat or chronic stress—often in contexts where escape isn’t possible and where relationships or systems meant to provide safety are also part of the problem. In this intro-level episode, we clarify the difference between single-incident PTSD patterns and complex trauma, and we outline how C-PTSD discussions often include PTSD symptoms plus broader impacts on emotion regulation, self-concept, relationships, and agency. Using simple polyvagal-informed language, we explore what it means when protection becomes the nervous system's default—and why that’s an adaptation, not a character trait. We end with a short practice that helps you name your state and offer one small supportive need.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What complex trauma is (repeated exposure + limited escape + often relational/systemic)
• How complex trauma differs from single-incident trauma patterns
• Common C-PTSD pattern areas (intro-level): regulation, self-concept, relationships, meaning/agency
• A polyvagal lens on “sticky” protection states and relational sensitivity
• Why phases of healing matter: stabilisation, integration, reconnection
• Practical first steps that reduce shame and build agency
• A grounding practice to identify the state and offer a need

Grounding practice (2–3 minutes): “Name the State, Offer a Need”

• Orient to one neutral object
• Name your state (activated/shutdown/in-between)
• Ask: “What would help 5%?” and choose one need
• Phrase: “This is a protective state. I can support it.”
• Longer exhale

Check the website for the free resources offered for both those affected by trauma and those supporting them.

What’s next: Dissociation: The Mind’s Emergency Exit (Intro-Level)

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send a text

When you support someone through trauma—professionally or personally—your nervous system is not a neutral observer. Secondary traumatic stress can create trauma-like symptoms through exposure to others’ distress, while vicarious trauma can gradually shift your beliefs about safety, trust, and meaning. In this episode, we define both terms in plain language, explore why “empathic contagion” happens through co-regulation (polyvagal-informed), and name common signs like sleep disruption, intrusion, irritability, numbness, and saturation. We also cover practical protection strategies: boundaries as care, transitions, shared load, and ventral restoring practices. We close with a short “Return-to-Self Reset” to help you care without carrying.

In this episode, you’ll learn

• The difference between secondary traumatic stress and vicarious trauma
• Why helpers can absorb activation through co-regulation (polyvagal lens)
• Common signs (non-diagnostic): intrusion, fatigue, cynicism, numbness, over-responsibility
• What helps: boundary clarity, transitions, shared load, permission to be affected without collapsing, ventral restoration
• A grounding/reset practice for after exposure

Grounding practice (2–3 minutes): “Return-to-Self Reset”

• Gentle shake-out to discharge load
• “My name is… I’m here in…” (orientation)
• Hand on chest + belly (containment)
• Phrase: “I can care without carrying”
• Longer exhale

Check the website for the free resources offered for both those affected by trauma and those supporting them.

What’s next: Complex Trauma & C-PTSD (Intro-Level)

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/

Send a text

Community shock happens when a public tragedy or disaster disrupts a community’s sense of safety and predictability, creating a ripple of nervous-system activation far beyond those directly involved. This episode is the Trauma Types companion to S16E161, where we explored collective grief and trauma after sudden tragedy. Here, we zoom in on community shock as a trauma pathway: why people cycle through hypervigilance, numbness, anger, and exhaustion; how media exposure can keep the nervous system activated; and why meaning-making can turn into blame, rumour cycles, or polarisation. We end with a short grounding practice designed to reduce helplessness by focusing on a “circle of control.”

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What community shock is and how it spreads through proximity, identification, and exposure
• How this episode connects to S16E161 (collective grief + trauma after sudden tragedy)
• Polyvagal-informed patterns: mobilised protection, shutdown, and cycling
• Ripple effects across groups: directly affected, witnesses, helpers, and the wider community
• Why meaning-making can intensify blame, rumours, and polarisation
• What helps: media dosing, routine, choice-based community support, body-first regulation
• A grounding practice to restore a sense of control and support

Grounding practice (2–3 minutes): “Circle of Control”

• Draw a small circle on your palm
• Name 3 things you can control right now
• Name 2 supports you can lean on
• Phrase: “I can’t control everything. I can support my nervous system today.”

Check the website for the free resources offered for both those affected by trauma and those supporting them.

What’s next: Helping Professionals & Partners: Secondary and Vicarious Trauma

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it.

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials Instagram Facebook

Find Support Resources

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/