Access Isn’t Permission

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Access Isn’t Permission

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Here’s a dangerous lie the internet tells us: if information is public, it’s fair game. If I have to do a little hunting, a little scraping to get it—well, that just shows how clever I am.If I told you that this can be harmful. And that some of us don’t know that this invasion of privacy can erode trust forever—would you still do it? We are one like away from being unforgiven.Access Isn’t PermissionWhat is unforgivable?That sounds like a grand philosophical question. And I’m not asking this in the courtroom or commandment sense but in the everyday ways we treat each other. What crosses that simple line of right and slightly harmless wrong?Is it oversharing? Gossip? A tidbit of seductive knowledge that you found that no one else has publicly announced?Does this secret knowledge make you feel powerful?Before we go there, I need to define two words that have become part of our modern vocabulary.The first is parasocial.A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship where an audience member feels a deep connection to a public figure. That audience member or voyeur doesn’t actually know the public person personally, but they are invested. I’m guilty of this. I take it personally when people condemn Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, for breathing. When herAs Ever debuted, it sold out in 5 minutes. I was part of that shopping fest.A parasocial relationship is not inherently unhealthy. More and more it’s part of being an artist. Brands and publishers want that vibe to push sales. Readers want to feel like they know an author. It means so much when our words have entertained them on lonely nights and comforted them through grief.The second word is never good, doxxing. Doxxing is the act of publicly revealing someone’s private, identifying information without their consent. Often, doxxing will mean someone has published home addresses, phone numbers, places of work, or more.Recently, my friend, bestselling romance author Kennedy Ryan, appeared on a podcast with Jenna Bush, and during a lighthearted conversation about pen names, Kennedy shared that she originally adopted a pseudonym to protect her professional career and now continues to use it to protect her peace.Her peace. Catch that part.Not because she was hiding. Not because she was ashamed.Because she wanted boundaries. She deserves boundaries so she can keep a piece of herself and her life for herself.Soon afterward, the internet sleuths, parasocial avengers, began circulating her legal name in posts and threads online. Some have actually argued that releasing a legal name isn’t really doxxing because her legal name had been publicly discoverable for years.I’m sorry…Since when did intent or access excuse the action?If someone tells you, “This is private. This is how I protect myself and my family,” and you decide to broadcast that information anyway, what exactly are you accomplishing? Congrats! You’re smart. You can scrape metadata and websites. Feel good.Maybe placate your conscience because you didn’t post her home address.Hey, you didn’t hack a bank account. So clearly you are different. You’re in a category above criminals.Just because you didn’t intend harm, that doesn’t mean you didn’t cause harm. You ignored a clearly stated boundary. That’s the part our conscience should struggle with.Is it an unforgivable offense? That’s not for me to decide.What does this violation do? Hopefully, no legal harm, but you’ve made everyone on the receiving side of a fandom or readership more cautious and potentially more closed off.If you go to threads, you can see this in real time.One person wrote: “One day, in the very near future, y’all are going to lose all access to your favorite authors.”Another author wrote about feeling so violated “after her government name was shared,” that she endured harassment, stalking, and cyber abuse so severe she nearly abandoned writing forever.Another creator, from the gaming community, described having her address and phone number spread online, receiving death threats, and watching her mother become a target of harassment. It took years of therapy before she felt safe again.All of these are different situations.Different levels of harm.Yet, they all share a common thread: Someone else decided that another person’s boundaries didn’t matter.As authors, we want readers to love our books.We want to meet you. We want to laugh with you at signings, hug you at festivals, celebrate release days together. We want to feel close.But there is a distinct difference between closeness and entitlement.Writing is my profession. It is also one of the most personal things I do. Every novel asks me to hand over pieces of myself.My fears.My questions.My hopes.And sometimes my grief.Whether you’re a novelist, painter, musician, actor, graphics designer, or sculptor—every work of art contains something deeply personal. You struggle and learn—really learn—to release ...

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