What's the big deal about celibate partnerships?!

Pieter Valk wrote an article in 2023 with a significant critique on celibate partnerships, but in 2026 he made significant revisions with an expanded imagination for the possibility and goodness that these kinds of relationships can play for Christians who are looking to live chaste lives within relationships of belonging and mutual care.

If you are new to the conversation, here is a brief description: celibate partnerships are long-term committed relationships between two people (typically of the same sex) who regard each other as their primary life partner, yet, unlike marriage, their relationship is not open to sexual activity.

The validity and shape of these relationships have been a prominent conversation and debate within the Side B community, so we’re grateful for the opportunity to read Pieter Valk’s thoughts and offer some of our own. We’d love to hear what you think after you give a listen! Here’s a few questions to stir your thinking:

Do you think conservative churches can embrace the possibility of celibate partnerships based on Pieter’s accommodation argument? or would they be better suited to develop an expanded imagination for friendship and spiritual siblinghood?

How do you think different forms of partnerships compete or complement investments into serving community or other facets of pursuing God?

What are the practical needs that people have, regardless of whether they are celibate or not, that need to be seriously considered?

References:

A thoughtful article by our friend Pieter Valk: https://equipyourcommunity.org/celibate-partnerships/

Time Stamps:

00:00 Kinship Lab #4 - Celibate Partnerships

01:19 Revoice Buzz

02:38 Why This Episode

07:08 Defining Celibate Partnership

10:29 Valk’s Argument Overview

15:43 Tapestry of Kinship

19:32 Strengths of the Article

24:17 Core Critiques

33:18 Romance and Vocation Boundaries

36:49 Biblical Examples and Categories

42:33 (Mis)Using Love Bible Verses and Inspiration for Partnership

46:35 Not Marriage Lite

55:00 Hot Take on Growth

01:00:28 Why Marriage Is Unique

01:05:23 Explaining Celibate Partnerships Publicly

01:10:36 Distinctions, Research, and Pastoral Anxiety

01:16:16 Constructive Feedback Wishlist

How do the comparisons we use for queer sexuality shape the way we think, believe, and respond to one another? TJ and podcast manager Elena explore—with new and previous guests—some metaphors Christians use to understand “being gay.” We talked strengths and limitations of each metaphor and how it can impact the lives of LGBTQ+ people. Take a listen, and then join the conversation on Substack!

Note: This episode uses the term “Side B” as shorthand quite a bit. If you’re new to the conversation, you might find it helpful to check out Communion & Shalom episode #3, where we talk through the four “sides”: ⁠#3 - A-B-Y-X | 4 Sides on SSA/Gay Sexuality⁠

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★ Timestamps

(00:00) #83 - “Being Gay Is Like...” The Metaphors We Use for Homosexuality

(00:38) Our metaphors shape our thinking

(07:53) “Being gay is like a disease”

(22:42) “Being gay is a curse...or worse...”

(33:40) “Being gay is like being an alcoholic”

(43:44) “Being gay is... an abomination...”

(56:21) “Being gay is like...an appetite [for food]”

(01:12:14) “Being gay is like being heterosexual”

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★ Links and References

Other episodes we referred to in this podcast:

#21 - Tate’s Story: Growing Up Gay in Texas

#24 - African Voices: Mwendia Shares on Same-Sex Attraction in Kenya

#52 - Affectionate towards Christ: A Journey of Faith with Pastor Shalom

#54 - Side B & Side X in Dialogue: With Jason Thompson from Portland Fellowship

#34 - Interview with a Longstanding Side B Ally, Misty Irons

Quoted: Catholic Answers Tract on “Homosexuality”: www.catholic.com/tract/homosexuality

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★ Send us feedback, questions, comments, or support:

Email: communionandshalom@gmail.com | Instagram: @newkinship | Substack: @newkinship | Patreon: @newkinship

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★ Credits

Creators and Hosts: David Frank, TJ Espinoza, Tyler Parker | Audio Engineer: Carl Swenson, carlswensonmusic.com | Podcast Manager: Elena F. ★

David and TJ talked with Akwasi in Ghana about growing up Pentecostal while wrestling with same-sex attraction (SSA). Akwasi shares candidly about the cultural and church pressures surrounding sexuality and marriage in Ghana, and his commitment to pursuing holiness and discipleship even as his attractions remain. He also reflects on the challenges SSA Christians face in his context and his hope to support others through discipleship and community.

Note: This episode includes some comments suitable for adult audiences; listener discretion is advised.

About Our Guest: Akwasi is a Ghanaian Christian leader, creative strategist, and youth mentor passionate about discipling the next generation through faith and leadership. He is involved in building impactful initiatives that blend spiritual formation, mentorship, creativity, and community transformation, with a strong focus on young people in Ghana. He is committed to raising holistic believers and leaders who live boldly, think deeply, and influence society with conviction and excellence.

One of those initiatives is FOUND: Foundafric.org

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This episode uses the terms “Side A” and “Side B” (and X, Y) as shorthand quite a bit. If you’re new to the conversation, you might find it helpful to check out episode #3, where we talk through the four “sides”: ⁠#3 - A-B-Y-X | 4 Sides on SSA/Gay Sexuality⁠

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★ Timestamps

(00:00) #82 - African Voices: Akwasi on Same-Sex Attraction in Ghana

(04:10) About Akwasi: Growing up in Pentecostal Africa

(06:39) Role playing mothers and fathers, other early history

(16:21) How does the church (and wider culture) in Ghana handle men “being gay” or being effeminate?

(35:27) SSA in Ghana: “Not many people name it”

(42:37) Friendships between men in U.S. compared to Ghana

(49:24) Do you pray for God to take away SSA (as a pentecostal)?

(51:38) What options does a SSA man in Ghana have? Celibacy, priest, only marriage?

(55:44) How do you think about dating (in some African culture)?

(01:03:03) Is having a best friend outside your marriage “emotional cheating”?

(01:15:59) Does Ghana have Side A? Why aren’t you Side A?

(01:22:51) Final Thoughts: Prayers for SSA men in the African Church

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★ Send us feedback, questions, comments, and support || Email: communionandshalom@gmail.com | Instagram: @newkinship | Substack: @newkinship

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★ Credits || Creators and Hosts: David Frank, TJ Espinoza, Tyler Parker | Audio Engineer: Carl Swenson, carlswensonmusic.com | Podcast Manager: Elena F. ★