Bill’s dark night began after a period of upheaval, in which he lost his long-standing relationship and his previously-successful business. Having met his new partner, and terrified of being loved, he began to face a lifetime of abandonments, and all the versions of himself that he’d made in order to survive them. A profound period of intensity followed – “divine spiritual psychedelic writhing intensity” – during which his survival identities began to unravel, and his “made self” collapsed.

Amongst many other things, Bill and I discuss the caution required to talk about our experiences; the death throes of the hope that we might eventually become enough; and trying to become what we thought we needed to be. We talk about trying to make better versions of ourselves; spiritualising and condescension veiled as kindness; and the doorway of not knowing. We also touch on using knowledge as a way to try to be safe; how the “echoes of patterns” and the unwinding continue; and developing “spiritual musculature.” Finally, we mention getting ourselves out of the way; being shown the beliefs that “we’re hanging on to”; acknowedging that “sometimes, shit hurts”; and ultimately having “the willingness to walk through it.”

Bill Newgent writes and coaches about unlearning – helping exhausted high-achievers stop earning their worth and remembering they already have it. Drawing from decades of study, spiritual training, and lived experience of building and losing everything, his approach integrates Jungian psychology, masculine-feminine balance, and the recognition that what we seek isn’t missing – it’s hidden beneath our identities and the beliefs we build around them. He writes as a fellow traveller, not guru, and embraces real-world spirituality. His spiritual memoir, Unlearning Myself: A Journey Back to Inner Wisdom and Peace, is available now, and was written as an invitation or companion for those who are willing.

Connect with Bill

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

*Please note that this episode contains descriptions of suicidal ideation.

Tam had a series of dark nights, the “big one” being a spiritual emergency and its aftershocks that started when she was in her late twenties. Beset with social issues, including homelessness, her “grip on consensus reality” began to falter. Soon, a “curtain came down” in her conscious mind and she found herself in a horrifying hellscape, facing her deepest fears. Having been told she was evil from a young age, the child part of her was “still there and still terrified.” Trying to navigate her way through a psychosis diagnosis, doctors, and medication, she eventually met a psychiatrist who saw her as a human being and turned her life around.

Amongst many other things, Tam and I talk about the multitudes within; the nature of the shadow and the stuff that gets “pushed beneath the surface”; and having incredible insights into “the secrets of the universe.” We touch on the moment in which “any possibility of suicide was gone”; rediscovering our indigeneity and becoming one with the land; and “the lid flying off the pressure cooker.” We discuss the nature of spiritual emergency and its preciousness and meaning; flipping between realities and dimensions, and the Kahlil Gibran quote that carried her through.

Tam Martin Fowles is a London-based nana, wife, mum, writer, international facilitator, trainer, lecturer and consultant. A psychosis diagnosis at age 29, which she later came to understand as a spiritual emergency, has informed her life and work, engendering a fascination with the phenomenology of consciousness, and commitment to challenging the paradigm surrounding mental health distress. Tam is founding director of Hope in the Heart CIC and a co-founder of the MadPsychedelics Collaboratory.

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

Mentions

Tam quotes this line from Kahlil Gibran’s poem, On Pain. “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

Letia’s dark night of the soul was preceded by the realisation that she hadn’t been honouring “a big part” of herself. Already initiated as a Navajo Medicine Woman, she eventually embarked on the path of sacred sexuality, and discovered “the missing piece” – eros, the energy of desire and creation. She then spent a year doing deep shadow work, facing her self-sabotaging behaviours and old identities. The process culminated in a profound dark night experience, during which she had no choice but to surrender as her body released. She found herself spontaneously forgiving her brother’s murderer, and subsequently went through a rebirth more painful than actual birth; “I was giving birth while being born.”

Amongst many other things, we talk about the realities of shadow work, including weaving and failing; the “spiritual flu” and how “hard core emotional expression” depletes the body; and feeling hollow. We touch on mourning the only version of ourselves we’ve ever known; building a new self; and the importance of boundaries and anchors. We ponder on the true nature of forgiveness, and why it can’t be forced; meeting our inner child; and collective and individual soul sickness. We also mention (and laugh about) having to learn patience; moving slowly, and coming back to ourselves.

Letia Perry is a Navajo Medicine Woman, breathwork coach, shadow work guide, Foundation Training instructor, and Sacred Sexual Healer with over 10,000 hours of holding space. She delivers what many call the most powerful breathwork experience in the world. Author of Sacred Flirtship and creator of the world's first handmade Navajo language busy book for children, she bridges ancient indigenous wisdom with embodied healing, guiding souls through the deepest transformations.

Connect with Letia

Connect with Letia on Instagram

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit