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The Problem With...

The Problem With...

By: James Smith
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 The Problem With… isn’t here to give easy answers - it’s here to ask the uncomfortable questions behind today’s biggest trends and taboos. Each week, host James Smith digs into what’s really going on - from AI to wellness culture - through unfiltered chats with experts and insiders to uncover the truth behind the noise.720232 Social Sciences
Episodes
  • The Problem With Self Sabotage: Connor Beaton (ManTalks)

    The Problem With Self Sabotage: Connor Beaton (ManTalks)
    Mar 24 2026
    👁️ Try Neutonic: https://www.neutonic.com/jamessmith 🧪 Check your Test: https://www.manual.co/smith 📝 Business Mentoring: https://www.jamessmith.business 🏋🏼‍♂️ Online Coaching: https://www.jamessmithacademy.com Connor Beaton joins James Smith to reveal the uncomfortable truth about self-sabotage. Far from being a simple lack of discipline, self-sabotage is a sophisticated survival strategy your brain uses to maintain control. Beaton explains why your psyche would rather choose a familiar disaster over an unfamiliar victory, keeping you locked in a cycle of destructive behavior to protect a fragile sense of identity. They dismantle the myth that dark motivation is a sustainable fuel for success and expose the biological cost of running on shame. From adoption trauma and attachment theory to the high-stakes world of elite performance, this conversation uncovers the invisible weights that stop men from being present in their own lives. He explains: ◼️ Why your brain actively avoids healthy new habits ◼️ How shame-based fuel creates a performance ceiling ◼️ What happens when achievement replaces human connection ◼️ Why mastery and addiction share the same neurology ◼️ How radical transparency prevents relationship resentment Chapters: 00:00 The Psychology of Working With Men 03:37 The Real Problem With Self-Sabotage 04:11 Sabotage as a Protective Strategy 05:37 James’ Experience With Wild Weekends 07:15 Reinforcing Your Negative Identity 08:06 Carl Jung and The Shadow 09:11 Why Your Brain Prefers Familiarity 11:16 The John Jones Sabotage Pattern 12:46 Relational Trauma and Attachment Issues 13:45 Breaking Your Nervous System Set Point 16:02 George St-Pierre on Real Courage 17:51 James' Battle With Cognitive Dissonance 19:52 The Truth About Cocaine Habits 23:00 High Performers and The Control Trap 24:18 Dark Motivation: Using Shame as Fuel 26:42 Why Success Often Feels Empty 27:23 James’ Story of Adoption and Spite 30:35 Shifting From Spite to Family 32:48 Dating Volume and Almond Croissants 35:43 Healing Trauma Through Your Children 43:43 Rebuilding Trust and True Intimacy 47:14 Addiction as an Attachment Issue 49:33 Mastery vs The Addictive Tendency 53:07 Learning to Let Go of Control 57:17 The Dangers of Mental Masturbation 59:12 Diminished Versions of Yourself 01:02:14 Learning to Choose Your Regrets 01:04:02 The Psychological Fear of Retirement 01:08:40 The Cost of Professional Relevancy 01:12:19 Communicating Trade-offs in Relationships 01:15:51 Modern Dating’s Silent Plague 01:17:46 Re-infusing Choice into Relationships 01:21:53 Navigating the Psychological Map Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 29 mins
  • The Problem With Perfectionism: Jonny Wilkinson

    The Problem With Perfectionism: Jonny Wilkinson
    Mar 10 2026
    👁️ Try Neutonic: https://www.neutonic.com/jamessmith 🧪 Check your Test: https://www.manual.co/smith 📝 Business Mentoring: https://www.jamessmith.business 🏋🏼‍♂️ Online Coaching: https://www.jamessmithacademy.com Johnny Wilkinson on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jonnywilkinsonofficial/ Rugby legend Johnny Wilkinson joins James Smith to reveal the uncomfortable truth about the problem with perfectionism, why the pursuit of "perfect" is a quiet crisis that creates a dangerous lie of future salvation while destroying your current reality. Wilkinson explains how living in a constant state of survival and impending doom reshapes our biology and threatens the very essence of human potential. They discuss the myths around "mastery" being a finished destination, the toxic nature of avoiding failure, and the real reasons behind the mental time bomb that elite performance often hides. From the pressures of a World Cup final to the quiet struggle of starting a business, this episode explores how the need for control can break down the whole system of human performance. We Cover: ⬛ Why Perfectionism is a Survival State not a Success Strategy ⬛ How the Myth of "Making It" Destroys Human Curiosity ⬛ Why Mastery Requires Self-Awareness over Mechanical Replication ⬛ How to Harness Pressure as Energy instead of Enduring it as Truth ⬛ What Happens when You Stop Chasing Outcomes and Start Healing the Gut Chapters: 00:00 Intro: Harder Than a World Cup Penalty 00:32 Who Is Johnny Wilkinson? 01:19 What Is the Problem With Perfectionism? 03:01 Nobody's Perfect: Is the Journey the Point? 05:34 Regression to the Mean & the Pressure of Kicking 07:07 Martin Johnson, Teammates & Carrying the Weight 09:46 Pressure Is Just a Thought — Reframing It Entirely 12:29 The Bell Curve of Arousal in Sport 14:15 Growing Up in Survival Mode 16:43 Opening the Door to Yourself 19:14 Identity, Expectations & Tipping Over 20:40 Missing a Kick in Front of the England Camp 23:39 From Running Away to Owning the Space 25:51 One Living — Born From a Changing Room in Toulon 27:02 Why Johnny Started a Health Brand 31:37 When Your Body Can't Keep Up With Your Mind 34:48 One Living: The Rebrand Story 38:31 Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset in Business 40:45 Listening to Your Body Like You Listen to a Kick 43:30 Stress, Food Choices & What You Actually Want 49:06 What One Living Really Stands For 53:13 Opening Doors: The Philosophy Behind the Brand 57:44 The Virtue of Suffering — Is Misery Masculine? 59:16 Thoughts as Truths & the Stray Cat Problem 1:03:46 The Mind Gym: Switching Energy States 1:07:03 Cold Water, Nature & Resetting Your Energy 1:08:59 The One Living Shots Explained 1:11:39 Stop, Breathe, Drink: A Philosophy for Life 1:14:13 Closing Thoughts & Where to Find One Living Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 15 mins
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I'm finding myself going on walks just so I can listen to James, A very knowledgeable man with a great sense of humor. Really enjoying it, Keep it up :)

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Extremely insightful. Enjoyed the witty delivery in parts.. Cheers for the awesome content 👌

Tremendous chat

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