Remember when you used to get fat footballers? Luke and Pete do.

On today’s episode, the guys discuss the sartorial choices of football fans of the past and present, as well as those of golfers and middle-aged men more generally. Not only that, but there’s an offering for the Battery Robot and some big news concerning Afroman.

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The trailer for SNL UK is out and Luke and Pete are sticking to their original predictions vis à vis its quality. But there’s bigger fish to fry on this fine Monday because video game faces have been yassified and, $80 billion later, the Metaverse is dead.

Elsewhere, Luke shouts out Denis Norden and David Niven’s wartime pasts and Pete gives his thoughts on contemporary British and Irish stars of the screen.

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Luke’s distaste for what he calls “wet music” might have ruined a recent night out, but his negativity is no match for Pete’s beef with a certain Instagram content creator. Also on today’s agenda: robots on mental health walks, video game discussions and a massive question of the day from Mr Moore: "why are we acting like WWIII isn’t already happening?"

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Pete might have cracked the code to weight loss, everyone. But will the solution give him bad pumps? Only time will tell. Elsewhere on today’s episode, the guys reminisce/have flashbacks about the time Pete was rescued by a lifeguard named Abraham and Luke brings a meat shower to the table.

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Cryptids. Ever heard of them? Well, they get everywhere. Including Hartlepool, it turns out.

Today’s edition of the Luke and Pete show moves from the cryptozoological to the regular kind of zoological when chimpanzees become the focus of the discussion. Trigger warning: includes details of a brutal real-life chimp attack. This is not one for the squeamish. But there’s a nice chaser in store: Pete’s “sexy” MSN pranks.

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Pete’s been off on his holidays again, this time to Moldova and the breakaway republic of Transnistria. And he didn’t even get as pissed as he could have.

Staying on the theme of states and nations, Luke and Peter touch on the war in the Middle East and how certain Dubai residents have reacted to it.

And on an entirely different note, there’s a good amount of potty training chat. Truly something for everybody in this episode.

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Luke is in the purgatory of British house-buying — a process his Wife He Has Access To finds baffling when you can apparently just kick a door in and claim land in Connecticut.

Plus, Pete has been dragged into a six-quid Vinted dispute over some trousers that were definitely brown in the photo and has emerged victorious, slightly guilty, heartfelt hospital stories and a new genre of music called Egg Punk — *basically* as it sounds.

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Welcome, intrepid podcast traveller - good to have you with us. Let Pete regale you with tales of a near-death experience involving a 25-minute walk, getting a blister while dodging a man carrying a slab of MDF, and fancifully thinking about taking up boxing. We've all been there.

Elsewhere, Luke continues to beat Pete at chess and will not let him forget it. Plus, retro video games we'll never finish, debating whether Pete Hegseth's bench press is impressive and Luke witnessing a catastrophically cringe question asked in front of a thousand people.

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