Hey Scummers!

This week Spamuel and Nathan are diving into the Dramatis Personae of House Goliath, exploring some of the most infamous names ever to emerge from the gene-forges and fighting pits of the Underhive.

First up is Ajex Gorgoth, the living embodiment of everything House Goliath aspires to be. Towering, terrifying, and built like a cargo hauler wrapped in slabs of muscle. Ajex carved his way through rivals and monsters alike to become one of the most feared champions in Necromunda. If your solution to every problem is overwhelming violence applied at maximum force, Ajex is your role model.

Next, we turn our attention to Djangar Gunfist. A man whose name tells you almost everything you need to know. Somewhere along the line Djangar looked at his hand and decided it would be significantly more useful if it were always holdinga firearm. Whether this represents tactical genius or severe emotional issues remains a matter of debate. Naturally, this leads to an extended discussion about the practical applications of gun-fisting and his abilities to lead House Goliath as Over Tyrant.

Then we descend into the depths of the sump to meet Old Three-Eyes, a colossal sumpkroc whose appetite for gangers has elevated her from dangerous predator to full-blown Underhive legend. Bigger than a cargo hauler and considerably less friendly, Old Three-Eyes lurks beneath the polluted waters waiting for anyone foolish enough to get too close.

As expected, the conversation immediately derails. What begins as a discussion about gene-smithing somehow turns into Spamuel theorising about cloning monsters. Not sensible monsters. Not useful monsters. Horrifying vat-grown abominations with too many muscles, too many teeth, and somehow... too many butts.

This naturally raises the question of how such creatures would reproduce, sending Spamuel on an extended tangent about crocodile reproduction while Nathan desperately attempts to drag the conversation back toward Necromunda. The effort is unsuccessful.

Finally, we take a look at Tess "Arc-Up", one of House Goliath's most notorious champions. Armed with enough electrical firepower to illuminate a small settlement, Tess demonstrates why mixing enormous muscles with industrial-grade voltage is generally considered a bad idea for everyone nearby.

Along the way we ask the truly important questions. Would a Goliath battle plan improve if it simply began with someone shouting "LEEROY JENKINS!"? Can gun-fisting be considered a legitimate martial art? And how does a man with no nose smell?

Terrible.

So grab your stimms, stay out of suspicious bodies of water, avoid any cloned crocodiles with an alarming number of backsides, and remember, if Old Three-Eyes is chasing you, you don't need to be the fastest runner.

You just need Nathan to be slower.

Enjoy the episode, Scummers!

If you have questions, complaints, corrections or suggestions, email us at Underhivelorekeepers@gmail.com.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Hey Scummers!

In this episode, the lads dive head-first into the grim, explosive and questionably ethical world of Imperial Penal Legions. Because apparently the Imperium looked at prisons and thought: “What if we added minefields and Frenzon?”

From bomb collars and human wave assaults to drugged-up berserkers and “redemption through death,” Spamuel and Nathan break down how the Imperium turns criminals, political dissidents, unlucky guardsmen and people who filled out the wrong paperwork into disposable battlefield assets.

Journey with us into discussion on Italian Arbites that somehow make Imperial law even more threatening, to the utterly horrific practice of strapping explosives to prisoners and calling it ‘military doctrine,’ the Penal Legions are one of the Imperium’s favourite tools. Whether they’re being hurled into enemy gunfire as a wall of screaming human meat, or sent on missions so dangerous even Space Marines go ‘nah,’ these poor bastards exist somewhere between surgical strike force and disposable corpse delivery system.

So make sure you behave, brush up on your prayers and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up in the PDF and not on holiday on a prison planet.

You’re in The Guard.

If you have questions, complaints, corrections or suggestions, email us at Underhivelorekeepers@gmail.com.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/

Hey scummers!

In this episode, the lads take a trip way, way above the sump and into the polished nightmare of the Spire, where the rich don’t just look down on you, they come down to hunt you for sport.

We’re talking Spyre Hunting Parties. Aristocratic heirs wrapped in ancient, near-mythical suits that turn bored nobles into walking war crimes. From the lightning fast Yelds to the walking tanks that are the Orrus rigs, we break down what makes these silver-spoon psychos tick, why they head into the Underhive in the first place, and what happens when privilege meets a shotgun at close range.

Naturally, things get a bit unhinged.

Spamuel develops a deeply misguided obsession with the Eldar this episode, confidently declaring that Spyrers are basically just the human version of Aspect Warriors. He then doubles down by trying to match each Spyre rig to an Aspect Shrine equivalent, much to Nathan’s visible frustration and increasingly aggressive sighing.

Meanwhile, Nathan tries (and fails) to steer the episode back on track.

And yes, we address the most important questions in in Necromunda lore:

Do Malcadon Spyrers spend their downtime doing impressions of Tobey Maguire?

Will the Flappy Lads ever get their milk in a regular way?

Are Patriarchs just old fellas who think these youngins are just too damn lazy?

You’ll have to listen to find out, but let’s just say, there may or may not be a whispered “I missed the part where that’s my problem” echoing through the underhive vents before someone gets webbed to a wall.

Expect lore, laughs, and a healthy fear of anything descending from above in a glowing murder-suit.

Stay safe downhive, scummers.

But if you hear something moving in the dark?

It’s already too late.

If you have questions, complaints, corrections or suggestions, email us at Underhivelorekeepers@gmail.com.

Want to support the show? ⁠https://linktr.ee/underhivelorekeepers

End music theme is Celltrance by Lobo Loco.

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lobo_Loco/free-for-you-cc-by/celltrance-id-2346/