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This Gun in My Hand

This Gun in My Hand

By: Robert Thomas Northrup
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 Indomitable hero by virtue of the fact that he carries a gun, Falk Zildjian patrols the streets of Parabellum City in search of injustices to shoot. What would make anyone listen to an old time radio parody with a cast of one? This Gun in My Hand!© 2020 by Robert Thomas Northrup. Some rights reserved. Creative Commons Attribution, Non-Commercial, No Derivatives License.
Episodes
  • Love at First Sound - Episode 149

    Love at First Sound - Episode 149
    Apr 5 2026
    How do you convey love at first sight on an audio-only medium? What does that sound like? What in tarnation has got into you? Listen to find out!Love at First Sound, episode 149 of This Gun in My Hand, was [finger pop from mouth][side of mouth razz][quick burst of siren whistle][GUN_FIRE] by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. This episode is dedicated to Melinda [TING], and to our good friends Patrick and Anita celebrating their honeymoon on Ganymede. [Ting, Ting!] What’s the best way to coax the delicate flower of love to blossom? This Gun in My Hand!Show Notes:1. I keep trying to make a joke that shows on shortwave radio are second-rate compared with FM radio. Melinda, being a longtime expert, reminded me that people in our time like Alex Jones, ReviewBrah and various cult leaders have to pay extra to have their shows broadcast on shortwave. So maybe it should be considered a status symbol instead of a mark of weakness.2. Listeners have already heard The Cherry Pachyderm’s real name, Latthew Morressier, during his first appearance in episode 24, “Consulting Defectives.” He forgot but I didn’t.https://archive.org/details/tgimh-24-consulting-defectives3. It came out sounding like I’m dragging hillbillies for hoping their kids take the same job their father and grandfather had, but it’s not what I intended. I think this expectation is similar for people all over the US. Even though my grandfather (the master plumber) and my dad (the steamfitter) would be glad I got an office job instead of following in their footsteps, there’s a part of me that feels like I let them down by taking a different path.Credits:Music in this episode came from these public domain films:The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait) and The Big Combo (1955). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wavLicense: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/Sound Effect Title: Run-Out Groove of a 78 RPM Record – Archival Noise Texture by Auroch_Media License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/s/440733/ Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/273879/ Sound Effect Title: Glockenspiel_46_f4_04 by cabled_mess License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/348924/ Sound Effect Title: Piano Note.wav by kelsey_w License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0https://freesound.org/s/467047/ Sound Effect Title: medium wine glass.wav by Tairblenn License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/549900/Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#Sound Effect Title: Traffic mel 1.wav by malupeeters License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/Sound Effect Title: Clothing_ShirtsandPants_Rustling.wav by duckduckpony License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/s/204016/ Sound Effect Title: Heels on Pavement.wavLicense: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/people/B.Harkins/sounds/683658/Sound Effect Title: banjo song.mp3 by Prime45 License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/522715/ Sound Effect Title: Toy Gun 7 License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/people/giddster/sounds/434720/Sound Effect Title: laser gunLicense: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/people/Superglue28/sounds/499696/Sound Effect Title: Horse Whinny 1.wav by GoodListener License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0https://freesound.org/s/322445/Music Title: Händel’s MessiahComposed by Georg Friedrich HändelPerformed by Orchestra Gli ArmoniciLicense: Public Domainhttps://musopen.org/music/5876-messiah-hwv-56/Music Title: Fugato in e minor, BWV 962Composed by Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750)Performed by Gunnar JohansenLicense: Public Domainhttps://musopen.org/music/45623-fugato-in-e-minor-bwv-962/Sound Effect Title: Tarzan Yell by Buster Crabbe from Tarzan the Fearless (1933)License: Public DomainSound Effect Title: Boing.wav by juskiddink License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/s/140867/ Music Title: Munniharppua.ogg By ElectricToothpasteLicense: Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 4.0 via Wikimedia Commonshttps://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Munniharppua.oggSound Effect Title: Siren Whistle 02.wav by FreqMan License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/s/88425/ Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYouLicense: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.htmlThe image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Confessions of Love, July ...
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  • The Yeast of These My Brethren - Episode 148

    The Yeast of These My Brethren - Episode 148
    Mar 29 2026

    How will Falk take down a bank robber when aromatic, freshly minted heroes keep getting in the way? What’s their origin story? You own some carnival rides? Listen to find out!

    The Yeast of These My Brethren, episode 148 of This Gun in My Hand, was punched into shape by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and would it kill ya to buy my books? Such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Why do they always need irradiated chemicals when the best origin is This Gun in My Hand?!

    Show Notes:
    1. From the Bible, King James Version, Matthew 25:40: “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

    2. Obvious mistake I didn’t notice until after recording. Beer Man says he gained his powers last week. Then he mentions using his powers for three months. Continuity is hard! A no-prize will be awarded to anyone who rationalizes those statements.

    Credits:
    Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
    The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

    Ironized Yeast Tonic radio commercial, vintage unknown, assumed to be public domain.
    https://www.oldradioworld.com/media/Vintage%20Commercials%20Ironized%20Yeast.mp3

    Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/s/717133/

    Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
    License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
    http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

    Sound Effect Title: Kimmokkeita / Ricochets by YleArkisto
    License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
    https://freesound.org/people/YleArkisto/sounds/401921/

    Sound Effect Title: Metal Frame.mp3 by TheBoulder3400
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/s/636096/

    Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

    Sound Effect Title: Hose Sounds.mp3 by JazzyBay
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/people/JazzyBay/sounds/435052/

    Sound Effect Title: Spraying water from a garden hose by meisterjaan
    License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
    https://freesound.org/s/323485/

    Sound Effect Title: Leather Car Seat 2 by Filmscore
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/s/830202/

    Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a
    License: Public Domain
    https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

    The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a print ad for ironized yeast, assumed to be public domain, date and artist unknown.

    Image Alt text: Print magazine ad for Ironized Yeast featuring a photo of a woman in a striped bathing suit next to a comic strip. A word balloon above the woman in the photo has her saying ‘If men “hate the sight of you”--read this–.’ In the first panel of the comic, two young men run past an emaciated woman in a black one-piece bathing suit. One of the men says, “Let’s beat it__here comes that skinny dame.” The second ad shows the skinny dame seated wearing a short sleeve top with possibly ragged sleeve edges. As she reads a newspaper with a prominent ad headlined “GAIN 10 LBS,” she says, “Men hate the sight of me, I’m so skinny. I’m going to try Ironized Yeast.” The third panel has a black arrow labeled “A FEW WEEKS LATER” pointing towards the action. A smiling woman filling out a bikini, no longer a skinny dame, poses with one hand on hip and the other on the back of her hair. A young man in dark shorts holds her bicep in one hand, saying, “You’re gorgeous since you’ve gained weight!” Two other men in the background run towards them. Across the bottom, large letters read, “THOUSANDS OF SKINNY GIRLS GAIN 10 TO 20 LBS.–QUICK!”
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  • The Downside of Uplifting - Episode 147

    The Downside of Uplifting - Episode 147
    Mar 12 2026
    Will Falk survive a journey through the gentle but confounding borderlands of the Tealight Zone with a bloodthirsty villain on his trail? Will they put him in gaol? ¿Qué onda, güero? Listen to find out!The Downside of Uplifting, episode 147 of This Gun in My Hand, was lifted upside down by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my wholesome books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I say goodnight? With This Gun in My Hand!Show Notes:1. The creator and narrator of The Waltons, Earl Hamner Jr., got his big break in Hollywood when one of his scripts was accepted for The Twilight Zone. I swear I didn’t find that out until this episode was half finished.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Hamner_Jr.2. The actor Will Geer was a bisexual communist who pled the fifth in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1951 and somehow managed to come back as the wholesome Zebulon “Grandpa” Walton in the 1970s.https://travsd.wordpress.com/2019/03/09/will-geer-queer-communist-and-as-american-as-apple-pie/3. For more stories about Half-Pint stealing a Native American baby and her Pa stealing gold, read Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities by Rob Northrup. Available in ebook and paperback athttps://www.amazon.com/Little-Heist-Woods-Revisionist-Atrocities/dp/B0DPDGW52B/4. Juan-Boy gets mugged in Wheeling, West Virginia in season one, episode 20, broadcast Feb 8, 1973. I mean, if there had been a tv show called The Wholesomes, that’s when it might have been.5. Other more or less wholesome tv shows I love are Cranford, Return to Cranford, and Lark Rise to Candleford, which are not mentioned in this episode because they were covered adequately in Episode 108, “Zildjian’s Away to Shropshire.”https://archive.org/details/tgimh-108-zildjians-away-to-shropshire6. For the record, I didn’t copy the exact audio of harmonica and xylophone notes from any tv show. I recreated it with an actual harmonica (one chord, not very difficult) and one pre-recorded xylophone note. Took me twenty minutes of manipulation to sound more or less right.Credits:Music in this episode came from these public domain films:The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.Guest starring Melinda as Abuelita (Esther Wholesome)!Sound Effect Title: G17-03-Barnyard with Chickens.wav by craigsmithLicense: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/438149/ Sound Effect Title: R24-06-Barnyard Ambience.wav by craigsmithLicense: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/479606/ Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu License: Public Domainhttps://freesound.org/s/273879/ Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by CarmelomikeLicense: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYouLicense: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.htmlSound Effect Title: Crickets.wav by ItsTheGoodstuff License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0https://freesound.org/s/656116/ The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a public domain etching print titled “Landscape with Six Single Trees and Three Small Farm-Houses” by Augustin Hirschvogel (1503-1553).https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Augustin_Hirschvogel,_Landscape_with_Six_Single_Trees_and_Three_Small_Farm-Houses,_NGA_37108.jpg Image Alt text: An etching of a farmhouse with trees to the sides, a cart or wagon in front of it, and a mountain or hill rising behind and to the side. The lines are dark brown and all the background is pale custard.
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