What happens when you have to grieve the person you love before they’ve even gone?

This week I’m joined by Holly Matthews. Holly is a former actress, TEDx speaker, founder of The Happy Me Project, and was widowed at just 32 when her husband Ross died from grade four brain cancer, leaving her to raise their two young daughters alone.

But before any of that, there was a Pimm’s promotional job, an instant connection, and a love story that moved at lightning speed. Holly and Ross built a relationship full of adventure, brutal honesty and the kind of laughter that makes two people feel like they’re speaking a language nobody else understands.

Then came headaches. Anxiety. Focal seizures that were dismissed as panic attacks. Until one scan changed everything.

Holly talks candidly about anticipatory grief, watching the person you love slowly disappear while they’re still alive, and the impossible conflict of desperately wanting more time while also wanting their suffering to end.

We also discuss what good healthcare communication looks like, why Holly later stood in front of a room full of brain surgeons to tell them exactly where they were getting it wrong, and how a single compassionate doctor made all the difference.

As always, we don’t shy away from the harder conversations. Holly shares what it was like preparing two little girls for the death of their dad, why she chose honesty over euphemisms, and the practical ways she’s helped them navigate grief ever since.

This is a conversation about love, truth, parenting, neurodivergence, identity, and what it really means to live fully when you’ve learned just how fragile life is.

In this episode we cover:

• Falling in love almost instantly and trusting your instincts, even when everyone else thinks you’re making a mistake.

• The symptoms that were repeatedly dismissed before Ross’s brain tumour was finally discovered.

• Anticipatory grief and losing someone long before they physically die.

• Hospice life, dark humour, and navigating the final weeks together.

• Why the way doctors deliver devastating news matters so much.

• Raising bereaved children with honesty, curiosity and space to ask every question.

• Neurodivergence, masking and building a life that feels authentic after loss.

What do you say when “How are you?” feels impossible to answer?

This week I’m joined by Erin Clark, whose husband Greg died suddenly from a heart attack in 2021 after more than 30 years of marriage. One moment they were enjoying a simple family dinner with their children, and the next Erin found herself performing CPR on the man she’d loved since she was 19.

In this deeply moving conversation, Erin shares the reality of losing her person overnight, the guilt she carried after falling asleep in a different room for the first time in three decades, and the crushing loneliness of learning to navigate a world that no longer made sense.

We talk about the strange business of grief, the impossible task of telling your children their father has died, and why the second year can sometimes feel even harder than the first.

Erin also shares the story behind How’s the Weather?, a simple but powerful question she created when she realised she no longer knew how to answer “How are you?”. Together we explore the idea that grief, like the weather, is constantly changing. Storms give way to sunshine, only for clouds to roll back in again.

This is a conversation about enduring love, surviving the unsurvivable, and finding your way back to life one tiny step at a time.

If you’re currently in the thick of grief, consider this your reminder that surviving today is enough.

🎧 Trigger warning: This episode contains discussion of sudden death, CPR, grief, trauma and bereavement.

In this 'chatty' episode I’m joined once again by the wonderful Julie Farrin, who first appeared on Widowed AF to share the story of losing her husband Andy to glioblastoma just months after they were married.

A year on from her first appearance, we’re talking about what happens after the immediate chaos of grief. After the funeral, after the paperwork, after everyone else has gone back to their lives. What does rebuilding actually look like?

Julie opens up about losing not only her husband, but also the future they had planned together. We discuss the children they hoped to have, the difficult decisions that followed Andy’s diagnosis, and the complicated grief that comes with losing a life you thought was still ahead of you.

We also talk about widowhood without children, redundancy, identity, therapy, dating apps, panic attacks, endometriosis, hysterectomy grief, body confidence, boudoir photoshoots, yoga, friendship and learning to put yourself first after years of caring for someone else.

Along the way, we explore why so many widowed people struggle to find purpose after loss, the pressure society places on us to “move on”, and how rebuilding your life often starts with something much smaller: learning that you are worth getting out of bed for.

It’s an honest, funny and deeply moving conversation about love, loss, womanhood, friendship and discovering that life isn’t over just because everything changed.

Whether you’re newly bereaved, years down the line, or supporting someone through grief, I think you’ll find something in Julie’s story that resonates.

As always, if this episode speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you.

You can find me on Instagram at @widowed_af or visit the website at www.widowedaf.com.

When Charlotte’s husband Josh died suddenly from SADS (Sudden Adult Death Syndrome), she was just 32 years old.

One ordinary Monday morning, Josh went for a run, came home, started work and then, without warning, collapsed and died. Hours later, Charlotte found him at home while their two-year-old daughter waited downstairs.

In this deeply moving episode, Charlotte shares the reality of navigating life just nine months after losing the love of her life. We talk about the trauma of finding Josh, the crushing guilt that followed, and the endless questions that come when someone young and healthy dies without explanation.

Charlotte speaks candidly about raising a toddler who is beginning to ask questions about her dad, the fear of living with uncertainty after a sudden death, and the challenge of rebuilding a life that no longer resembles the one she planned.

We also discuss EMDR, grief therapy, widowhood in your thirties, learning to parent alone, and why connecting with other widowed people can make all the difference.

This is a conversation about devastating loss, but also about love, resilience and finding hope when life has been turned completely upside down.

If you’ve ever wondered how someone survives the unimaginable, this episode is for you.

In this episode of Widowed AF, Rosie is joined by Josie Jakub, CEO of Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS).

Josie shares the story of her fiancé Olivier, a kind, spiritual French lorry driver who was loved by everyone around him. Together they were building a life, planning their wedding and creating a future in rural France. Then, just weeks before they were due to marry, Olivier died by suicide.

Josie talks openly about the mental health struggles that Olivier had hidden for years, the shocking way she received the news of his death, and the impossible task of making sense of a loss that seemed to come out of nowhere.

She also shares one of the most extraordinary stories ever told on Widowed AF: her attempt to marry Olivier after his death through a little-known French law that allows posthumous marriage with presidential approval. What followed was a four-year journey involving handwritten letters, evidence of their love story and a dossier that eventually reached the desk of President Emmanuel Macron.

Rosie and Josie discuss suicide bereavement, stigma, mental illness, survivor guilt, finding community through SOBS and the life-changing power of peer support.

This is a conversation about grief, love, resilience and what happens when the future you planned disappears overnight.

In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with widower, writer, coach and devoted girl dad Danny Lesslie.

Danny shares the extraordinary love story he built with his wife Rafaela, known to everyone who loved her as Raffi. They met on the bluffs of Santa Monica, fell hard, built a family together and chose each other every day. But when Raffi was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive squamous cell carcinoma at just 30 years old, everything changed.

What followed was five years of treatment, uncertainty, heartbreak and anticipatory grief. As the cancer spread, Danny and Raffi faced not only the reality of her illness but a cascade of secondary losses including financial pressure, housing instability, job loss and the exhausting reality of navigating a healthcare system that often seemed unable to help.

In this deeply moving conversation, Danny reflects on caring for Raffi through her illness, raising their daughters through grief, and the faith that carried them when every sense of control had disappeared. He shares the remarkable moments of provision that became known in their family as “Jesus moments”, the decision to be completely honest with their children throughout Raffi’s illness, and the legacy she left behind through her journals, which became the foundation of their book, Thank You, Cancer.

This is a conversation about great love, devastating loss, family, faith, fatherhood and the complicated work of learning how to hold gratitude and grief in the same hand.

A beautiful and profoundly honest episode about what it means to keep choosing life after the person you love most is gone.

In this episode Rosie Moss is joined once again by Emma Grey. Emma is a former wills and probate lawyer turned grief-informed coach and counsellor, and founder of Rainbow Hunting.

The conversation moves into the reality of long-term grief and the parts people don’t really talk about once the initial shock fades. Emma speaks openly about how bereavement can strip away the coping strategies and masking that once held everything together, leaving people overwhelmed, hypervigilant, emotionally shut down or simply exhausted from surviving.

Together Rosie and Emma explore the overlap between grief and neurodivergence, late ADHD and autism diagnosis, rejection sensitivity, people pleasing, burnout, therapy, nervous system regulation and the strange process of rebuilding yourself after loss.

They talk honestly about fear of abandonment, the pressure of solo parenting whilst dysregulated, and the tiny practical things that can help when life feels too loud: noise-cancelling headphones, retreating to bed, familiar TV shows, breathing exercises and learning that sometimes shutting down is not weakness, but protection.

This is a raw, funny and deeply validating conversation about grief that doesn’t end neatly, the parts of ourselves we lose along the way, and the freedom that can come from finally understanding who you are underneath the survival mode.

Including:

• The story behind “Sadmin™” and why the paperwork after death can feel impossible

• Why grief behaves more like trauma than a timeline

• “You can become the best surfer in the world, but the waves still come”

• Window of tolerance explained: hypervigilance, shutdown and nervous system overwhelm

• Neurodivergence, masking and why grief often blows coping strategies apart

• Rejection sensitivity, abandonment wounds and the fawn response

• Why receiving help can feel harder than giving it

• Therapy as self-discovery rather than “fixing” yourself

• “Dormousing,” sensory regulation, noise-cancelling headphones and practical tools for overwhelm

• Why so many widowed parents are surviving in burnout mode

A thoughtful, funny, validating conversation for anyone navigating grief, neurodivergence, overwhelm, or simply trying to understand themselves a little better.

In this episode Rosie Moss speaks with Donna Rice-Hannam, who found Widowed AF just five weeks after her husband Mark died suddenly in October 2024. What follows is a conversation full of heartbreak, fury, dark humour, and the kind of honesty that makes grief feel a little less lonely.

Donna shares the story of meeting Mark through mutual friends, a “blind blind date,” and a pub-stairs snog that turned into a relationship built on safety, tenderness and fierce loyalty. After years of difficult relationships, mental health struggles and recovery, Donna found in Mark someone who didn’t just love her, but actively protected her wellbeing.

Together they survived the devastating late-pregnancy loss of their daughter, privately named Charlotte but publicly known as “Pebbles.” Donna talks candidly about stillbirth, trauma, and the way grief bonded them even more deeply together. She describes Mark’s quiet acts of love, from packing the car and taking her to the sea during bipolar episodes, to proposing in Paris simply because “he just wanted to see you smile.”

The conversation then turns to the terrifying weeks leading up to Mark’s death: repeated hospital admissions, catastrophic internal bleeding, blood transfusions, discharge decisions Donna felt deeply uneasy about, and the growing horror of realising something was being missed. Donna recounts the final hours in devastating detail, from the ambulance ride and failed attempts to stabilise him, to watching doctors perform CPR while begging him to come back.

Rosie and Donna also talk about what happens afterwards: the rage of unanswered questions, delayed inquests, poor bereavement care, losing friendships alongside your partner, and the dangerous pull of alcohol when grief feels physically unbearable. Throughout it all, Donna speaks openly about bipolar disorder, surviving early widowhood, and the conscious decision to protect her mental health because Mark fought so hard to protect it while he was alive.

This episode covers:

• Falling in love after difficult relationships and finding safety in another person
• Bipolar disorder, recovery, and supportive partnership without losing independence
• Stillbirth, grief after baby loss, and naming their daughter Charlotte (“Pebbles”)
• The role of humour, routine and practical care in long-term love
• Hospital trauma, internal bleeding, repeated discharge attempts and advocating for loved ones
• The shock of sudden death and witnessing resuscitation efforts firsthand
• Anger, delayed accountability and ongoing inquest proceedings
• Friendship, community and the people who quietly keep you alive in early grief
• Alcohol, counselling, medication and surviving the “messy middle” of widowhood
• Why protecting your mental health can become an act of love for the person you lost

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