Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week we learn that Instacart is a gamble, the ocean is actually just monster soup, and apparently there is a correct way to say “Walmart.” Spoiler: if you don’t put The in front of it, then you’re crazy.

In this episode we skip normal conversation altogether and jump right into the chaos you'd expect: our trust issues with grocery stores, outfit critiques, and whether dressing for success includes joggers, New Balance sneakers, and absolutely zero shame. From there it turns into a full investigation into things we thought were fancy growing up (if y’all had that Sonic ice in your homes, then you were living in LUXURY) and how one bad wave in the Bahamas can ruin your relationship with the entire ocean forever. Sorry, monster soup.

Naturally, things only get more unhinged. We debate caramel vs caramel, sprite vs sprat, pants vs britches, and why some people clearly skipped pre-K and it shows. There’s also a deep dive into screen time, TikTok algorithms, and the very real theory that Apple is personally sabotaging your phone battery every September.

And of course, Cousin Counsel does not disappoint. We’re talking dead goldfish funerals, potentially alive hamsters getting launched into the woods (like guys what?), and why some people absolutely should not be trusted with pets… or decisions… or honestly anything.

If you’ve ever argued about how to pronounce a word, refused to get in the ocean because something might eat you, or said “womp womp” to a hate comment and moved on with your life, this episode is for you.

Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

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Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN)

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week the champagne takes over and causes us to have a full breakdown of why TJ Maxx is a hostile environment.

We kick things off with Riley’s attempt at a “new year, new me” era that lasted exactly one treadmill session before he nearly launched himself through the wall and decided the couch was a safer long-term investment. From there, we spiral into Cracker Barrel’s attempted rebrand (which should’ve constituted jail time), why some things should never be modernized, and the deep emotional attachment to biscuits served by someone with at least five stars on their apron.

Somewhere in the middle, we debate Landon’s strict office hours, why phone calls feel like a personal attack, and how Riley manages to call 12–14 times a day and still get ignored. There are also strong opinions about never leaving the apartment, DoorDash being a lifestyle choice, and whether opening your blinds counts as going outside.

We also get into apartment life, including neighbors who refuse to close their blinds, a dog that sounds like it could end your life, and a bird that won’t shut up. Like seriously y’all what are we doing. Let the guy fly away.

And because no topic is too small, we end up in a very heated argument about TJ Maxx, thrift stores, Walmart behavior, and why if you don’t put things back where you found them, you might be the problem.

And don’t fret, we answered your burning questions for Cousin Counsel and yet again y’all make us question if you guys have lost your sanity.

Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

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Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN)

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This week on Bloodline Banter, it’s the recap you all have been waiting for… the seven-day cruise has concluded (much to our dismay) and boy, do we have some stories for y’all.

We talk buffet strategy, the 33,000 eggs the ship went through in one week, and why calories do not count in international waters. Landon explains why he would absolutely clock a grandma to get to a lifeboat if things went south, Riley discusses his close personal relationship with chicken tenders and honey mustard, and we debate whether cruises are actually about the ports or just about eating every two hours. Which we think y’all know the answer to…

As we recount our glory days at sea we share stories from Cozumel taco trucks, an aggressively hands-on shot girl at Señor Frogs, and the mystery of Belize’s off-brand chicken tenders that tasted like they were blended before they were fried.

We also of course could not forget the cruise characters including Debbie, “The Doctor,” Denise from Seize the Day Travel, and a scooter-driving trivia champion named Bazinga who may have been the highlight of the entire ship. Oh and also honestly Theresa Caputo might need to take a gander at our boat for some lingering spirits because Amy Bradley was not necessarily a cruise character we were looking to encounter.

Cousin Counsel returns as well with some unhinged submissions that prove once again that the internet should probably come with a warning label. And for the record, we’d like to state for the 10000th time that we’re cousins. We feel like we shouldn’t have to keep explaining that at this point, but hey some of y’all are dumber than all get out. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

If you’ve ever gone on vacation just to eat your body weight in buffet food, chased down a white van for tacos in Mexico, or believed chicken tenders are a universal safe food… this episode is for you.

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week we are joined by the Appalachian princess herself, Katie Combs, and things spiral immediately.

From KOA cabins in Nashville to residential coffee in mason jars, from selling a double-wide on the swap shop radio to debating whether McDonald’s fries might actually heal your body, mind, and spirit, this episode covers more ground than a back road in Red Lick, Kentucky.

Katie walks us through growing up down a hollow road with her entire family and how one random storytelling TikTok turned into millions of views and a full-blown platform. We get into Pentecostal roots, “higher the hair, closer to God,” GLP-1 journeys, honey buns in the microwave, and the fact that if you’re going to post an “unspoken prayer request,” you better tell us what we’re praying about. Like y'all... don't ask if you're not gonna give me the full backstory.

Somewhere in the middle we debate why gas station biscuits are a religious experience, whether Waffle House employees should be slightly unwell, and why a Coke Zero and a large fry from McDonald’s might actually fix your entire life. Honestly doctors should look into it.

If you believe the swap shop will absolutely get your double-wide sold two days before they dig the footer, or feel spiritually aligned with a McDonald’s fountain drink, this one’s for you.

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where this week we solve three national crises: TSA groping, the Winter Olympics, and the bread butt. We’re headed on a cruise that we booked five days ago like responsible adults do, Riley prepares to get patted down by Homeland Security for the 47th time, and Landon’s old Tinder profile resurfaces on TikTok because apparently the internet thinks that’s fair game. Which like yeah I guess, but like also no?

We also discuss why curling is just professional sweeping with Olympic-level confidence, why Norway winning the Winter Olympics feels like cheating, and why Team USA beating Canada in hockey made us want to scream Toby Keith while eating a hot dog and sitting our butts at a Nascar race in the dead heat of summer.

Somewhere in the middle, we propose a constitutional amendment for a mandatory sauce-to-nugget ratio, debate whether anyone actually eats the end piece of bread, and relive growing up with grandparents who reuse sour cream containers like Tupperware doesn’t exist.

Cousin Counsel returns and yes, the submissions are unwell. I don’t think we need to say anything more on that. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

If you’ve ever been personally victimized by TSA, fast food sauce stinginess, or a thermostat set to 75 degrees, this episode is dedicated to you.

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Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN)

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where our childhood résumé includes forged documents and minor kitchen arson.

This week we finally tell the story of how our friendship actually started: a county fair, a laminated FFA badge, and just enough Sharpie to get away with it. That “community service” turned into fraud and we actually don’t think anything has ever been more on brand for us.

We then of course spiral into more unbelievable family stories that involve Granny Jewel and tasers, French toast catching on fire, pouring water on a grease fire (maybe don’t do that), and why our kitchen once looked like a winter storm hit it.

We also debate Crocs vs On Clouds, sweatpants at the airport, and why no one, and we mean no one, is wearing a tuxedo to TSA. Take that Secretary Duffy.

And of course, Cousin Counsel returns with submissions that should probably involve a licensed professional. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

If you’ve ever forged something, burned breakfast, or refused to dress up for a flight, welcome home.

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Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN)

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where our cardiovascular age is questionable but our opinions are not.

This week we debate whether making your bed is a personality trait, if natural deodorant should be outlawed (spoiler: it should constitute jail time), and why some of y’all suddenly remember we exist now that TikTok does too. Y’all please, no one likes a clout chaser. Landon explains how he allegedly almost died from faulty electrical wiring, we argue about $700 Golden Goose shoes versus Crocs, and stand in 18-degree weather for In-N-Out like it’s a religious pilgrimage. All of which are totally not first world problems.

And of course make sure you stick around for a deeply unqualified but wildly confident advice segment known as Cousin Counsel. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

If your best friend doesn’t share their location with you, if your phone battery dictates your presence at the family dinner at Red Lobster, or if your Oura ring has ever fat shamed you, this episode is dedicated to you.

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Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN)

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Welcome back to Bloodline Banter, where Landon and Riley once again prove that no topic is too dumb, too loud, or too uncomfortable to spiral into for 40 minutes straight.

In this episode, the cousins recount the high of hitting top 15 on the podcast charts (yes, above Khloé Kardashian), but their week wasn't all sunshine and rainbows though as the two trekked outside into Nashville's winter snow-pocolypse as self-proclaimed meteorologists. Thank God for this podcast.... they clearly needed a hobby.

From swamp ass debates to a Walmart security incident, this episode somehow manages to cover it all. Although, we can't promise you will walk away an academic or with a better understanding of the law. Speaking of which, the amount of Doritos in a standard bag is criminal. That we know for certain. Oh, and champagne tastes like static electricity.

Make sure you stick around for a deeply unqualified but wildly confident advice segment known as Cousin Counsel. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com

If you’re here for structure, this ain’t it. If you’re here to laugh, feel slightly better about your own life choices, and hear two cousins say the things everyone else is thinking but won’t admit out loud, welcome to the family.

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Directed by: Erin Dugan

Edited By: Michaela Dolph, Toby Friedman, Corey Williams, & Sean Dugan