After a long marriage — especially a difficult one — you can lose track of who you actually are. If you've come out of your divorce not quite knowing what you like, what you want, or who you are when nobody's watching, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about rebuilding your identity after divorce, why the blank slate is both terrifying and a gift, and what salsa Tuesdays taught her about the science of starting over.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The identity question nobody asks when you're going through a divorce: who did you become inside this marriage, and who are you actually?

• Why the blank slate is terrifying — and why having preferences again feels selfish when it isn't

• How small, repeated experiences of dismissal and accommodation change how the brain processes your own needs over time

• Neuroplasticity and new beginnings: why salsa Tuesdays and V-necks are not trivial — they're how identity rebuilds

• How to start figuring out who you are without sitting down with a journal and deep questions

• What to do when the people around you are unsettled by who you're becoming

• Nurse's Note: The neuroscience of identity erosion in diminishing relationships — and what actually rebuilds it

Figuring out your next step doesn't have to feel overwhelming. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess where you are and understand your options — privately, at your own pace, with nothing stored.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

The emotional timeline of divorce isn't linear — and it's not what anyone tells you it is. If you've felt relief when you thought you should be devastated, or devastated when everyone thinks you should be moving on, this episode is for you.

Nurse midwife and divorce survivor Rachel Newhouse breaks down what the emotional stages of divorce actually look like in real life — the liberation phase, why grief hits later, when anger finally arrives, and the gut-punch moment that catches every divorced parent off guard.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why relief after divorce doesn't mean something is wrong with you — and the biology behind why leaving a stressful situation actually feels better

• The five distinct emotional waves of divorce (and why applying the Kübler-Ross grief model as a linear checklist is making things worse)

• Why anger often arrives months after you thought you were done — and what it actually means when it does

• What to do when your emotional timeline doesn't match anyone else's expectations

• The gut-punch moment: when it stops being about your pain and becomes about your child's experience

• Practical tools for living inside a nonlinear process: therapy, community, movement, and permission

• Nurse's Note: The physiological reality of stress relief — what happens to your nervous system when a chronic stressor is removed

Ready to understand your situation before your next step? The Breaking Upward tool helps you think through the legal, financial, and emotional pieces of divorce — privately, without storing your information.

Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com

RESOURCES & LINKS

Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com

Website: breaking-upward.com

Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce

TikTok: @breakingupward

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

DISCLAIMER

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Because "just get a lawyer" is not a strategy.

Finding the right divorce attorney can make or break your case — and your sanity. In this episode, Rachel breaks down exactly what to look for in a divorce lawyer, what questions to ask in a consultation, and the red flags that should send you walking. She also covers the options most people don't know exist: collaborative divorce, mediation, limited scope representation, and nonprofits like the Lilac Tree in Evanston, IL that help women navigate the process even when traditional legal fees feel impossible.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why Rachel hired three lawyers before finding the right one — and what she learned from each

• How to treat a legal consultation like a job interview (because it is)

• The single best question to ask a prospective attorney

• Red flags: the attorney who guarantees outcomes, the one who only agrees with you, and the one who picks fights that don't matter

• The full spectrum of divorce options — uncontested, collaborative, and mediation explained clearly

• "My sanity had a dollar value" — why Rachel made financial concessions to move faster, and how to decide what's right for you

• Legal aid, law school clinics, limited scope representation, and the Lilac Tree — real options when cost is a barrier

Save this episode and come back to it when you're ready to start making calls. If you're looking for a nonprofit that helps women navigate the divorce process, search for organizations similar to the Lilac Tree in your state, or contact your State Bar Association for referrals.

RESOURCES & LINKS

breaking-upward.com — full show notes, resources, and community

@breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram | @breakingupward on TikTok

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence:

National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

If this episode helped you, please leave a review and share it with a friend who needs it. Reviews help other women going through divorce find this show.