Most marriages don't fall apart overnight.

They drift.

Over time, couples can find themselves feeling more like roommates than spouses—sharing a home, raising kids, managing responsibilities, but slowly losing the closeness and connection they once enjoyed.

In this episode, Chris and Jamie sit down with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of One Extraordinary Marriage to discuss their journey from disconnection, debt, and considering divorce to building a thriving marriage that has helped thousands of couples around the world.

Tony and Alisa share how a radical challenge became a turning point in their marriage and how that experience eventually led to the creation of their Six Pillars of Intimacy framework.

In this conversation, you'll learn:

• The warning signs that your marriage may be drifting into roommate syndrome
• Why emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual intimacy all matter
• How small cracks can reveal opportunities for growth and healing
• The difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy
• Why many couples focus on weaknesses instead of strengths
• How to create more connection in every season of marriage
• Practical ways to begin rebuilding intimacy and trust

If your marriage feels disconnected, discouraged, or stuck, this episode will give you hope and a practical roadmap for moving forward together.

00:00 Meet Tony and Alisa

02:12 How the Podcast Began

04:56 Marriage Struggles and Drift

10:03 Red Flags of Roommates

12:37 Why Six Pillars Matter

16:58 The 60 Day Sex Challenge

24:22 Vulnerability and Ripple Effects

28:00 Start Small With God

28:43 The Touchy Feely Mask

29:37 Six Pillars Explained

31:12 Identity Blocks Growth

34:11 Stages Of Life Touch

36:39 Cracks Become Growth

41:43 Define Intimacy Not Sex

43:21 Quick Pillar Rundown

47:45 Free Quiz And Next Steps

51:30 Six Pillars At Sea

54:20 Final Thanks And Wrap

🔔 Subscribe for more Christian marriage encouragement and practical relationship advice.

📚 Learn more about Tony and Alisa, their book, the assessment, and their offerings:
https://oneextraordinarymarriage.com

Have we outgrown marriage?

A growing movement says yes.

Some are calling for a "Marriage 2.0"—a version of marriage that prioritizes personal fulfillment, individual happiness, renewable contracts, and self-preservation over lifelong commitment.

It sounds appealing.

It even contains pieces of truth.

But is it actually better?

In this episode, Chris and Jamie examine the growing Marriage 2.0 movement and compare its ideas to God's design for marriage.

You'll discover why many modern marriage solutions are actually reactions to unhealthy marriages rather than improvements on God's design, why self-focused relationships often leave people more miserable, and how biblical marriage provides the security, commitment, and growth we were created for.

In This Episode:

• What Marriage 2.0 teaches
• Why culture keeps reinventing marriage
• The difference between self-care and self-centeredness
• Why marriage isn't broken—people are
• The dangers of conditional commitment
• The role of sacrifice in healthy relationships
• Healthy boundaries vs selfish demands
• Why security matters in marriage
• God's design for lifelong covenant love

Scriptures Mentioned:

• Matthew 16:25
• Genesis 2:24
• Philippians 2:3-4
• Ephesians 5:21-33
• Romans 12:2
• James 1:22

00:21 Marriage 2.0 Pitch

01:34 Truth Twisted

02:17 Overcorrection Culture

03:05 Sacrifice And Boundaries

05:52 Identity In Christ

06:07 Self Focus Fails

09:07 Two Become One

12:33 Mutual Submission

17:21 Passive Vs Controlling

17:48 Core Claims Breakdown

19:42 Reject Self Erasure

20:52 Growth Not Threat

21:47 Private Over Public

21:51 Private vs Public Marriage

22:14 Healthy Conflict and Boundaries

22:46 Boundaries Not Entitlement

23:52 Stop Enabling Patterns

25:17 Introducing Marriage 2.0 Article

26:29 Debunking Lifespan Claims

30:18 Attraction vs Biblical Love

33:29 Internet Age Marriage Myths

36:01 Self Focus and Divorce Rates

39:20 Contract Marriage Critique

42:39 Anxiety and Need for Security

44:20 Prayer and Closing Resources

Contact us at email@expeditionmarriage.org or find marriage resources at https://expeditionmarriage.org

Have you ever noticed that almost every message coming at you today is telling you that something is wrong?

Your body could be better.
Your house could be better.
Your marriage could be better.
Your spouse could be better.
You could be better.

The world profits from your discontentment.

In this episode, Chris and Jamie unpack how social media, self-help culture, comparison, and constant self-improvement messaging are robbing us of contentment, gratitude, peace, and joy.

You'll discover why the endless pursuit of "better" often leaves us feeling worse, how these messages affect our marriages, and what Scripture teaches about finding peace in Christ instead of constantly striving for more.

In This Episode:

• Why social media thrives on making you feel inadequate
• How comparison steals joy from your marriage
• The difference between healthy growth and unhealthy obsession
• Why contentment is becoming a lost spiritual discipline
• How discontentment affects your nervous system
• Why acceptance and growth can coexist in marriage
• What Paul teaches us about contentment from a prison cell
• How gratitude changes the way we experience our relationships

Resources Mentioned:

• Get our FREE 60-Second Blessing Exercise - https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/ep-184-contentment-in-marriage-why-better-is-making-you-miserable
• Work with us: Expedition Marriage Counseling & Coaching - https://expeditionmarriage.org/marriage

00:00 Growth vs Discontentment

00:20 Social Media Insecurity

01:41 Doomscrolling Effects

02:14 Self Help Trap

03:25 Better Makes Miserable

04:18 Manufactured Needs

04:55 Brain Seeks Evidence

08:11 Moving Finish Line

09:03 Marriage Comparison Spiral

13:50 Obsessed With Fixing

16:07 Acceptance and ADHD

19:35 Gratitude Focus

20:14 Gratitude Rewires Us

20:35 Why Focus On Suffering

22:09 Negativity Bias And Grace

23:58 Paul On True Contentment

27:47 Peace Over Self Help

29:51 Misusing Philippians 413

31:34 Marriage Acceptance Messages

34:01 Stress Styles And Invitations

36:51 Enemy Steals Contentment

38:46 Prayer Weekly Practice Resource

Have you ever noticed that after conflict with your spouse, suddenly everything they do starts irritating you?

In this episode, Chris and Jamie unpack a powerful concept called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) — the brain's filtering system that determines what gets your attention and what gets ignored.

The truth is, your mind is constantly scanning for evidence to support what it already believes. Which means if you continually focus on frustration, disappointment, hurt, or disconnection in your marriage, your brain can begin filtering your spouse through negativity without you even realizing it.

This episode is not about pretending problems don't exist.

It's about understanding how unresolved hurt, fear, resentment, and emotional survival mode can distort perception and quietly deepen disconnection.

In this conversation, you'll learn:

• Why your brain filters information in marriage
• How resentment changes what you notice
• Why couples get stuck in negative cycles
• The connection between fear and emotional perception
• How to stop reinforcing disconnection
• What Scripture says about renewing your mind
• Practical ways to shift your focus without ignoring real issues

00:00 Why Negativity Sticks

01:28 Meet Your Brain Filter

03:26 Threat Mode In Marriage

06:41 Triggers From Past Wounds

07:12 Mario Party Trigger Story

10:08 Retraining With Repetition

12:59 Soundtracks Shape Reality

15:13 Scripture And Mind Renewal

19:39 Betrayal And Hypervigilance

21:32 Take Thoughts Captive

22:27 Breaking The Pain Cycle

23:37 Chronic Negativity Snowball

24:37 Hopelessness And Brain Filters

26:52 Distorted Thoughts In Marriage

29:03 Renewing The Mind

30:37 Retraining Toward The Good

33:06 Soundtracks Thought Checks

36:10 Replace Thoughts With Actions

41:01 Prayer And Final Encouragement

If you've felt emotionally exhausted, constantly irritated, or stuck seeing the worst in one another, this episode will help bring clarity, understanding, and hope.

Connect with Expedition Marriage

Website: Expedition Marriage

Your Communication Isn't the Real Problem in Marriage

Most couples think their biggest issue is communication. But what if the real problem is what's happening underneath the communication?

In this episode, we unpack the protective patterns that sabotage connection in marriage.

The escalation. The defensiveness. The shutdown. The criticism. The threats. The emotional spirals.

These aren't random reactions. They're survival strategies.

When conflict breaks connection, couples often move into fight, flight, freeze, or self-protection without even realizing it. And once that happens, you stop fighting for resolution and start fighting for survival.

We talk about:

• Why conflict is rarely about the surface issue
• How protective strategies create destructive cycles
• The "vertical descent" most couples experience during arguments
• Why spiritual maturity matters more than communication techniques
• What's really underneath defensiveness and escalation
• How to identify the pain your spouse is trying to communicate
• Why curiosity changes conflict
• How Jesus calls us to help bind up one another's wounds instead of attacking them

This episode is deeply practical, deeply biblical, and incredibly important if you feel stuck in repeating conflict patterns.

00:00 Break the Pattern

00:55 Conflict Is Not the Root

02:20 Fight Flight and Disconnection

02:56 Upstairs vs Downstairs Brain

04:20 Survival Mode Communication

05:43 Protective Cycles and Reset

06:46 Techniques vs Spiritual Maturity

10:10 James Trials and Growth

12:51 Trash Fight Escalation Spiral

15:47 Triggers Stories and Invalidation

18:48 Trash Fight Real Meaning

19:47 Owning Mistakes Without Shame

20:52 Triggers Filters And Awareness

21:51 Stop The Vertical Descent

22:45 Protective Strategies Exposed

25:02 Defensiveness Shame And Repair

27:50 Appreciation Builds New Patterns

30:09 Threats Signal Fear And Hopelessness

31:47 Abiding In Christ For Wisdom

33:00 Shutdown And Emotional Flooding

34:40 Spiritual Maturity And Curiosity

36:55 Prayer Worksheet And Next Steps

Resources

🌐 Expedition Marriage Counseling & Coaching: https://expeditionmarriage.org/marriage

* "What I Show vs. What I Need" Worksheet: https://expeditionmarriage.org/podcast/episode-182-your-communication-isnt-the-real-problem-in-marriage

Have you ever looked at your marriage and realized:

"We're still committed… but we don't actually feel close anymore." Not because of betrayal. Not because of constant fighting. But because somewhere along the way, your friendship simply disappeared.

In this episode, we're talking about the kind of marriage many Christian couples silently experience:
faithful, functional, responsible… but emotionally disconnected.

We discuss:
• The difference between conflict and coexistence
• Why friendship is the foundation of lasting marriage
• How couples slowly drift emotionally
• The hidden danger of "doing marriage right" while losing connection
• What Scripture says about friendship inside marriage
• Practical ways to rebuild emotional closeness again

If you've felt more like roommates than partners lately, this episode is for you.

00:00 Commitment vs Friendship

00:21 When You Feel Like Strangers

01:45 Coexisting and Going Flat

03:38 Why Christian Couples Drift

04:33 The Pie Crust Analogy

06:00 Gottman and Friendship Foundation

10:37 Busyness Kills Connection

11:05 Simple Date Night Ideas

13:20 Research on Low Friendship

14:39 Fix It Mode vs Fun

17:02 Friendship in Scripture

17:29 Friendship Fuels Intimacy

18:17 Friend Love Always

18:45 Dying Then Living

20:14 Stop Waiting Start

20:55 36 Questions Curiosity

22:46 Faith Sparks Conversation

24:23 Novelty Dopamine Boost

25:12 Clear Resentment Walls

28:01 Not Too Late

31:01 Friendship Makes Stay

31:39 Practical Challenge Offer

32:52 Prayer And Blessing

33:54 Best Friends Closing

Practical help:

Get your Restoring Connection course 50% off with code: COUPLE50

https://expeditionmarriage.org/courses/the-restoring-connection-plan/

Parenting is already hard.

But when you add in phones, apps, social media, and constant digital exposure… it creates a level of pressure most couples feel completely unprepared for.

As marriage counselors, we see it all the time…

Couples aren't on the same page when it comes to technology. They avoid the conversation or they feel overwhelmed and unsure where to even start

In this episode, we sit down with Chris McKenna, founder of Protect Young Eyes, to talk about what parents actually need to understand about technology today—and how to lead their families with clarity and confidence.

We talk about:

• Why couples struggle to get on the same page about tech
• How fear and anxiety drive many parenting decisions
• The concept of "false intimacy" and how screens affect connection
• What healthy leadership looks like in the home
• How to move from fear to confidence as parents
• Practical steps to start leading your family differently this week

Don't miss this conversation! It's time to stand on guard and protect our children.

📌 Learn more about Chris McKenna: https://www.protectyoungeyes.com/about

Order his new book, Five Habits of the Tech Ready Family. Raising Wise Kids in a Wild Digital World https://amzn.to/4cEGEfw

Are phones, social media, and even AI replacing connection in your marriage?

In this episode, we're talking about the rise of false intimacy, which is when technology gives the feeling of connection without the depth, responsibility, or vulnerability that real intimacy requires.

We'll unpack:

• How technology is reshaping emotional connection in marriage
• Why scrolling, texting, and AI interactions can feel easier than your spouse
• The hidden cost of choosing convenience over connection
• Simple, practical ways to reconnect and rebuild real intimacy

If you've ever felt like your spouse is competing with a screen, or if you've found yourself turning to your phone instead of each other, this episode will challenge and encourage you.

👉 Want help reconnecting? Visit: https://expeditionmarriage.org/marriage or email@expeditionmarriage.org

00:00 AI Knows You Best

00:38 Is Tech Replacing Spouses

01:29 From Distraction to Displacement

02:56 Cheap Substitute Trap

04:50 False Intimacy Warning

06:08 Phubbing and Marriage Fallout

09:19 Oversharing Online Advice

13:06 Emotional Outsourcing to Bots

15:07 Parasocial Validation Loop

17:38 AI Romance Simulation Risks

20:13 Long Term Attachments Form

20:57 Known Fully by God

21:44 Safe But Empty Validation

22:21 Bonding With Screens

23:40 Tolerance Shrinks Over Time

25:36 Loneliness And Lower Wellbeing

27:31 AI Romance And Infidelity

28:42 Emotional Affairs Defined

33:33 Dopamine Hits Rewire Expectations

35:52 Preventative Questions To Ask

37:40 Faith Growth And Waiting

40:08 Practical Guardrails And Tools

41:53 Prayer And Final Takeaways

#ChristianMarriage #MarriageHelp #Relationships #EmotionalIntimacy #MarriagePodcast

*Disclaimer: The information discussed here is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to replace counseling or working with a trained healthcare professional.