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Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

By: Jen Lumanlan
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 Parenting is hard…but does it have to be this hard? Wouldn’t it be better if your kids would stop pressing your buttons quite as often, and if there was a little more of you to go around (with maybe even some left over for yourself)? On the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, Jen Lumanlan M.S., M.Ed explores academic research on parenting and child development. But she doesn’t just tell you the results of the latest study - she interviews researchers at the top of their fields, and puts current information in the context of the decades of work that have come before it. An average episode reviews ~30 peer-reviewed sources, and analyzes how the research fits into our culture and values - she does all the work, so you don’t have to! Jen is the author of Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection & Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World (Sasquatch/Penguin Random House). The podcast draws on the ideas from the book to give you practical, realistic strategies to get beyond today’s whack-a-mole of issues. Your Parenting Mojo also offers workshops and memberships to give you more support in implementing the ideas you hear on the show. The single idea that underlies all of the episodes is that our behavior is our best attempt to meet our needs. Your Parenting Mojo will help you to see through the confusing messages your child’s behavior is sending so you can parent with confidence: You’ll go from: “I don’t want to yell at you!” to “I’ve got a plan.” New episodes are released every other week - there's content for parents who have a baby on the way through kids of middle school age. Start listening now by exploring the rich library of episodes on meltdowns, sibling conflicts, parental burnout, screen time, eating vegetables, communication with your child - and your partner… and much much more!Jen Lumanlan - M.S., M.Ed Parenting & Families Relationships
Episodes
  • 264: Who Really Decided Your Child Needs ADHD Medication?

    264: Who Really Decided Your Child Needs ADHD Medication?
    Apr 27 2026
    If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, stimulant medication is probably the first thing their doctor mentioned. And if you're trying to figure out whether it's the right choice for your family, you deserve more than a pamphlet published by a drug company. You deserve the full picture - including what the research really shows, who funded it, and the questions the medical model of ADHD hasn't answered. The story most parents get is a tidy one: ADHD is a chronic brain disorder, it's highly heritable, and stimulant medication is the most effective treatment. That story comes mostly from one very influential researcher, Dr. Russell Barkley, and it has shaped how millions of families make medication decisions. But when you look closely, cracks start to appear - in the diagnostic criteria, in the science, and in the financial ties between the researchers who built the medical model and the pharmaceutical companies that profit from it. Questions this episode will answer What are the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing ADHD? The DSM-5 requires children to show at least 6 symptoms (5 for adults) that appear "often" across multiple settings. But who decides how often is "often" - and whether a behavior is "inappropriate" - turns out to be deeply shaped by cultural values, not objective measurement. Why are ADHD diagnoses increasing? Research shows that school accountability policies like No Child Left Behind drove significant increases in ADHD diagnoses, particularly among low-income children. In some states, diagnosing a child with ADHD could raise a school's average test scores - creating a financial incentive that had nothing to do with the child's actual needs. What is Russell Barkley's theory of ADHD? Barkley sees ADHD as a chronic, highly heritable brain disorder rooted in deficits in executive functioning. He compares it to diabetes: a lifelong condition requiring ongoing treatment, primarily with stimulant medication. This episode examines both his framework and the places where his own research contradicts itself. Is ADHD overdiagnosed? The evidence suggests yes, in many cases. Diagnosis rates vary by a factor of two to three across U.S. states when there aren’t consistent biological or cultural differences between these states. Many children receive a diagnosis after a 15-minute pediatric visit, not the thorough multi-source evaluation the research actually recommends. Is ADHD neurodivergent? Yes - and that framing shapes how a child with ADHD gets supported. The medical model treats ADHD as a brain disorder: something broken that medication needs to fix. A neuroaffirming approach treats it as a difference - and asks whether the environment, not just the child, needs to change. The diagnostic criteria themselves embed specific cultural values about what counts as "appropriate" behavior. Whether your child gets treated as disordered or different depends entirely on which framework their clinician is working from. What is actually happening in an ADHD brain? Barkley frames ADHD as a deficit in executive functioning - the brain systems that regulate attention, impulse control, and behavior over time. But the research on whether stimulant medication repairs that brain development is contradictory, and Barkley himself makes both claims in different videos. What are the benefits of ADHD medication? Stimulant medication does improve attention and reduce motor activity in the short term - but it does this in everyone's brain, not just in people with ADHD. This episode looks at what medication actually does, what it doesn't do, and what the drug company advertising left out. What you'll learn in this episode Why the word "often" in every single DSM-5 ADHD criterion creates a diagnosis that depends heavily on who is observing the child - and what cultural standards they're applyingHow the same behaviors in children in Hong Kong were rated far more severely than those of children in the U.K., and what that tells us about what ADHD is actually measuringThe financial relationships between the most influential ADHD researchers - including Barkley and Dr. Joseph Biederman - and the pharmaceutical companies that make ADHD medicationsWhy ADHD diagnosis rates in states like North Carolina and Ohio run two to three times higher than in California and Nevada, and what school accountability policies have to do with itThe contradiction at the heart of Barkley's medical model: if stimulant medication promotes brain development, why does he say it must be taken for life?How drug company ads used Barkley's and Biederman's research to frighten parents into medicating their children - and the FDA’s ineffective responseWhy the scary outcome statistics Barkley cites - including a reduced life expectancy of up to 13 years - don’t tell us much about outcomes for real people with ADHDWhat a neuroaffirming approach to ADHD looks like, and why this episode argues that the most important question ...
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    45 mins
  • 263: What’s Really Behind Your Child’s End-of-Day Meltdowns

    263: What’s Really Behind Your Child’s End-of-Day Meltdowns
    Apr 20 2026
    If your child holds it together all day at preschool or daycare and then completely unravels the moment they get home - melting down over dinner, refusing to use the potty, making every transition a battle - you're watching afterschool restraint collapse in action. It's exhausting. And it can bring up some painful feelings for parents too, including wondering whether your presence is making things harder, not easier. In this coaching call I worked with Kathleen, parent of a three-year-old who just started full-time preschool. By the end of every day, her daughter is struggling with dinner, potty time, bath, and bedtime - and Kathleen can't figure out whether to offer more structure or less, more connection or more space. If your child is having a hard time in the evenings and you don’t know how to help, this episode is for you. Questions This Episode Will Answer What are the symptoms of afterschool restraint collapse? After a full day of holding it together in a structured environment, many kids hit a wall when they get home. You might see meltdowns over small things, refusal to eat, resistance to transitions like bath or bedtime, or a child who seems to want you desperately but also can't settle when you're there. Why do some kids struggle with transitions at the end of the day? When a child's capacity is low - from tiredness, hunger, or being away from you all day - even simple transitions take more than they have left. It’s similar to how we might be a little more ‘snappy’ in the evening when we’re tired than in the morning when we have a bit more capacity. Why is my 3 year old refusing to eat dinner? For kids in full-time daycare or preschool, the need for connection with a parent can be so strong by dinnertime that eating takes a back seat. Sitting with you matters more than the food on the plate. And even though the child might be physically capable of feeding themselves, the effort required to coordinate food onto a fork or spoon and into the mouth is just too much for them. Why is my child resisting bedtime? Bedtime resistance often isn't about sleep. When a child has spent the whole day apart from you, the end of the day becomes a place where unmet needs pile up. Addressing what's underneath the resistance is more effective than trying to manage the behavior itself. How do I support a child who struggles with transitions? This episode covers a concrete first step that addresses one of the most common unmet needs in young children - and why starting there tends to make a wide range of struggles easier. What is an example of a child seeking autonomy? When a child insists on choosing "the wrong option" or refuses what you've offered, they may need autonomy - especially if they spend most of their day in an environment where they have very little say. This episode explains the difference between offering choices and providing real autonomy, and why it matters. How long does afterschool restraint collapse last? It depends on what's driving the restraint collapse - and this episode helps you figure that out. When you address the underlying needs rather than just the surface behavior, many parents find the struggles shift faster than they expected. What You'll Learn in This Episode Why full-time daycare or preschool can leave children with almost no capacity left by the end of the day - and how that shows up in their behaviorHow afterschool restraint collapse connects to a child's need for connection, and why your presence can make things harder even when your child desperately wants you thereWhy mealtime battles, potty training resistance, and bedtime resistance often share the same root causeWhat consistent Special Time is, how to build it into a busy evening, and why it functions as a kind of "differential diagnosis" for end-of-day strugglesHow to provide real autonomy to a preschooler - including why the choices you're already offering might not be meeting their need at allWhat play schemas are, and how knowing your child's schema can make it easier to keep both kids occupied when you only have two handsHow to talk about feelings and needs with a child who won't engage when they’re already feeling overwhelmed If this episode resonated - especially the part about evenings seeming relentless no matter what you try - the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits live workshop will help you. A big part of what makes end-of-day struggles so draining is that kids who have spent all day in environments with little say over what happens come home with almost nothing left for the limits we set. This workshop helps you figure out which limits are truly necessary, which ones can soften or disappear, and how to hold the ones that matter in a way your child's nervous system can actually work with. You get eight short lessons delivered by email over eight days, plus three live group coaching calls where you can bring your real situations and get support. If ...
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    20 mins
  • 262: How Limits Show Up in Your Child’s Body

    262: How Limits Show Up in Your Child’s Body
    Apr 13 2026
    If your morning routine for preschool looks less like a smooth routine and more like 21 rounds of "no", "stop", and "not like that" before 8 am, then things aren’t working well for either of you. In this episode, we walk through one ordinary preschool morning minute by minute, from the cereal bowl to the car seat buckle. We also learn how to move from: "how do I get my child to cooperate" to: what is going on inside my child's body right now, and what are they trying to communicate through the flopping, dawdling, silliness, and defiance? Because when you understand that, you can find strategies that meet both of your needs. Questions This Episode Will Answer Why is my child so difficult in the morning? Preschoolers live almost entirely in the present moment and learn through movement and touch. When a morning is filled with a steady stream of corrections, their nervous system experiences it as "everything I do is wrong" - and the silliness, defiance, or shutdown you see is their body's response to that overload. Why is my child grumpy in the morning? It's often less about the time of day and more about the cumulative weight of limits. When children experience correction after correction with little room for exploration or connection, grumpiness and shutdown are common signals that their needs aren't being met. Why do kids dilly-dally and dawdle in the morning? What looks like dawdling is often a child following genuine curiosity, moving their body the way it wants to go, or trying to connect with you before the day pulls you apart. What is meant by "behavior is communication"? Preschoolers don't yet have the words to say "this is too much for me" or "I need to feel close to you right now". So they show you with their bodies. Finger-stirring cereal, flopping on the floor, asking to be carried - each of these is a message, if you know how to listen for it. When you understand that message you can help them meet their need - which also meets your needs for peace, ease, and order. Is misbehavior an unmet need? Often, yes. When you look beneath challenging behaviors in young children, you frequently find unmet needs for things like autonomy, movement, connection, or play. The behavior is a signal pointing you toward what your child actually needs. If you want to find out your child’s biggest need (and easy, actionable strategies to meet it that make your life easier), take this free quiz. What are some reasons children misbehave? In early childhood, most challenging behavior traces back to a mismatch between a child's developmental capacity and what's being asked of them, combined with needs they’re trying to meet in ways you’re finding irritating. Preschoolers aren't misbehaving to make your life harder. They don’t know how else to meet their needs. What You'll Learn in This Episode How to walk through a typical preschool morning routine and see it through your child's eyes, moment by momentWhat your child's most frustrating behaviors (flopping, dawdling, silliness, defiance) are often communicating about their needsWhy the total number of corrections across a morning matters as much as any single limit you setWhat your needs are in the morning routine, and why they are just as valid as your child's needsHow it’s possible to meet your needs AND your child’s needsHow to start moving toward fewer, clearer limits that your preschooler's nervous system can actually work withWhat the research on parent-child interaction patterns tells us about where repeated correction leads over timeHow parents who grew up in homes with heavy compliance expectations describe the long-term effects on themselves and their own parenting To help you put the ideas from this episode into practice, I've created a free worksheet: Your Difficult Morning Audit. You'll count your corrections, sort them, and start to see which limits are truly necessary - and which ones are habit. Get The Morning Audit Worksheet For Free If you thought "that's my kid" or "that's our mornings" - the Setting Loving (& Effective) Limits workshop is for you. Learn how to see how many limits you're actually setting, sort them into what's truly necessary and what can soften or disappear, and practice holding fewer, clearer limits in a way your child's nervous system can actually handle. You get short focused modules, three live group coaching calls where you can bring your real situations, and a community of parents working through the same things. If you're ready to move from correction-heavy mornings to fewer, truer limits your preschooler can actually live with, come join us in the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop. Click the banner to learn more. Jump to highlights: 01:27 Introduction to today’s episode 05:48 The behavior isn't defiance - it's communication about their needs. 08:21 Young children live in the present moment and learn through movement and repetition rather ...
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    37 mins
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