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Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped.

Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation.

In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'.

The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who did an amazing job in very difficult circumstances.

BOOKS:
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs
You Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela Lamas
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
Smoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty
The Choice by Edith Eger

Support for kids and young people who are bereaved:

https://winstonswish.org/

https://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdf
https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/
https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-death
https://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/
https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-death
https://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-death
https://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-about-death-with-kids/
https://www.winstonswish.org/support-a-grieving-teenager/
https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-understanding-grieving-teenagers
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-and-donts-talking-child-about-death?amp
https://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dying

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Click here for my blog post and summary of the core skills

Our teenagers are growing up in a world saturated with information, outrage, and algorithms designed to keep them scrolling. As parents, it can feel overwhelming: How do we help our kids navigate AI, social media, fake news, and online manipulation—without either over-controlling them or throwing up our hands?

In this episode, I talk to Dr Maree Davies, senior lecturer at the University of Auckland and author of Teaching Critical Thinking to Teenagers: How kids can be street smart about AI, algorithms, fake news and social media.

Her work is all about making critical thinking accessible to all teenagers, not just the academically gifted. And crucially, she shows how these skills can actually reduce anxiety by giving teens a sense of control over the flood of information they face every day.

We explore:

What critical thinking really is (beyond the academic buzzword) and why the tween and early teen years (11–15) are such a powerful window for learning it

How cognitive bias, schemas, and teenage brain development affect the way young people react to information—especially on social media

Marie’s Street Smarts model for teaching critical thinking at home and in school, starting from a teen’s own story and perspective

How to talk to teens about algorithms, AI, fake news, and influencers in a way that feels respectful, engaging, and non-preachy

The role of relationships, respect, and status in adolescent life—and how we can use these realities to open up richer conversations

Why modelling our own struggles (with phones, news, time management, etc.) is far more powerful than lecturing

Practical question types and conversation prompts that help teens move from emotional reactions to thoughtful, reasoned views

This is one of my favourite recent conversations and I’d love as many people as possible to hear it. These skills matter because our teenagers are being shaped—every day—by forces they often don’t fully understand. Critical thinking isn’t about turning them into cynics; it’s about giving them tools, language, and confidence to question, to evaluate, and, when necessary, to change their minds.

It’s also about strengthening our own connection with them, so that they feel heard, respected, and equipped to take their place in the world as thoughtful, compassionate adults.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."

This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem.

When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”

If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you.

Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.

She says:

'We don’t choose our conflicts.
We repeat them.
Until we change the pattern."

Link to my write-up on the topic

In our conversation we explore:

• Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)
• Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the moment
• Practical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partner
• How to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying them
• Ways to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening them

If you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.

Masha Rusanov

Repatterned Book

REMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.

Spotting the signs

• Is your partner jealous and possessive?
• Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?
• Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
• Does he constantly put you down?
• Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
• Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?
• Does he pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
• Are you starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
• Does he control your access to medicine, devic

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

“Is my son secretly being taught to hate women?”
If you’ve ever heard your boy casually repeat a line from Andrew Tate… seen him disappear into his room with his phone… or wondered what on earth he’s absorbing on TikTok and YouTube, this episode is for you.

The manosphere is grooming boys to believe women are the enemy—and most parents don’t even realise it’s happening.

In this conversation, I’m joined by teacher and author of Unmasking the Manosphere, Matt Pinkett to unpack how these ideas hook our sons, how they show up at home and in school, and—most importantly—how you can respond without shutting your boy down or pushing him further into that world.

Toolkit: Checklist of How to Talk to Your Boys

Matt Pinkett

Conflict resolution skills

Looksmaxxing

Original Manosphere episode

Talking to your teen about pornography

The expert on talking about pornography

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

It's exam season and so important to keep a steady ship with all of the stress in the house.

I thought it would be a great time to interrupt my youngest, Amelia, for an honest chat about what she sees as both good and bad strategies for supporting teenagers through exams, and homework; particularly those with dyslexia and ADHD.

We wanted to give parents hope, an honest insight into how bumpy the road can become, and how long it can take to figure out what the best way of supporting your teen will be.

Over the past six months at her new college, Amelia has really found her feet and feels motivated to work very hard. This is helped enormously by feeling she matters to friends, loving the college she is at, and receiving proper ADHD support and intervention.

She shares her previous struggles with homework and motivation, attributing it to a lack of emphasis on academics and being placed in less academically focused classes, but also made clear how important it is to take time to understand underlying issues rather than assuming laziness.

Amelia advises against nagging, focusing on long-term goals, and providing structure without micromanaging.

Listen to the end to hear Amelia's important, very spontaneous, message for all parents listening to this podcast.

As usual, my girls prefer not to be on camera, so this is an audio-only episode.

Read my thoughts about our discussion here

OTHER EPISODES:

Helping kids with exam nerves

Tips for parenting through the pressure of exams

Trust your kids

Boys who’re apathetic about study and exams

Why school exam systems need to change

How anxiety works and what we can do

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

So many parents of teens quietly worry that they’re “failing” — not doing enough, not staying calm enough, not getting the outcomes they hoped for.

This episode is an invitation to step off that perfectionist treadmill. Instead of parenting for perfect grades, perfect behavior, or perfect choices, we explore how to parent for connection: building daily rituals of togetherness, modeling honest self-care, and using compassionate self-talk so your teen can develop a kinder inner voice too.

You’ll hear practical ways to show your child they’re loved for who they are, not what they achieve, and how that shift can transform the atmosphere in your home.

Click here for a list of ways to connect that make all the difference

Contact Ronnie Vehemente:

Mood Advisor

Ronnie is the founder of The Family Room www.familyroomla.com, a unique psychotherapy practice, focused on the challenges of parenting, marriage & family life. Ronnie has 30 years of experience counseling children, teens, new mothers, parents, couples and families. She graduated from Columbia University School of Social work. Ronnie is an advisor to Mood.org, bringing her deep understanding of teen psychology. The mission of Mood is to put free, fast, and effective mental health tools in the hands of EVERY tween and teen—building skills and resilience through content they want to engage with.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

When parenting teens through their first experience of love and attraction it can bring up a lot of feelings we thought we'd neatly packed away; the intensity of that first crush, the humiliation of not being chosen, the heartbreak that felt like it would swallow us whole.

As a parent trying to support our kids through it can be tricky because our teens’ first love stories can collide with our own unfinished ones.

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by professor Lisa Phillips, author of First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak. We explore the complex world of teen behavior surrounding first love and heartbreak. Understanding how our teens express their feelings and the challenges they face can really help us to communicate with them.

We talk about:

• Why parents often feel a spike in distress when their teen starts dating
• How crushes, “situationships” and breakups affect the developing teenage brain
• The difference between healthy intensity and unhealthy enmeshment
• How to support both boys and girls in talking about their feelings, not just their “results”
• What it means to parent in a world of social media, online porn, nonchalance and loneliness
• How to show up for LGBTQ+ and questioning teens when their identities don’t fit the “straight story”
• Why consent can’t be a tick‑box talk, and how to navigate the grey areas with our kids
• What healthy support after a breakup actually looks and sounds like

If your child is anywhere on the spectrum from secret crush to serious relationship, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. My hope is that it gives you language, courage and compassion to walk alongside them, rather than dismissing it as “just drama” or trying to shut it all down.

Because for our teens, first love isn’t practice. It’s real, it’s formative, and it leaves a lasting imprint. How we respond now can teach them not only how to survive their first heartbreak, but how to love and be loved for the rest of their lives.

Previous interview with my own daughter, Phoebe

Tips from this show

Contact Lisa Phillips:

lisaamyphillips@gmail.com

Lisa A. Phillips, author of the new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, has written about relationships, mental health, and teens for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Longreads,

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment.

I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel earth‑shattering for them and gut‑wrenching for you.

In this episode I talk with Dr Dominique Thompson, award‑winning GP and young people’s mental health expert, about how to support teenagers through big disappointments such as university rejection, exam failure, and missed opportunities – without rescuing them or minimising their feelings.

We explore:

• What teens are actually grieving when things go wrong – including the loss of an imagined future
• How to validate their emotions while gently stopping catastrophic thinking
• The difference between building resilience and teaching kids to suppress their feelings
• Why today’s culture of perfectionism and “being the best” is driving anxiety, burnout and fear of failure
• How to help teens separate self‑worth from grades, offers and achievements
• Practical ways to prepare teens for university life, academic stress and independence
• When dropping out isn’t the only option – how to press pause, get help and return stronger
• What to do if your teen feels “left behind” while friends move on to university or big opportunities
• How parents can be a “safe harbour”: supportive, boundaried, and not adding their own disappointment to their teen’s load

If you’re a parent wondering how to respond when your child says, “I’ve failed you,” or “There’s no point trying,” this conversation will give you concrete language, mindset shifts and step‑by‑step strategies to help them cope, reframe, and find a new path forward.

Dr Dominique Thompson: is a multi-award winning former GP, young people's mental health expert, TEDx speaker, author and educator, with over two decades of NHS clinical experience.

She is author of The Student Wellbeing Series for young people, and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up (PenguinRandomHouse) for parents.

dominique.thompson@me.com

www.buzzconsulting.co.uk

https://www.instagram.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.facebook.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-thompson/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk